You are talking to someone, and mention a pattern, a repeated action of the other. In a kinda nice way.....saying well, "you do that a lot".
Not really accusing, but carefully pointing out, bringing to attention, a behavior. Not trying to start an argument, but maybe begin a look at a behavior.
But the immediate response is DEFENSE. When? Where? Give me an example. The tone shifts immediately, from empathy to argument. From a wandering line of conversation, back and forth, changing course.....to a straight line, fixed and rigid. Fact-based. Proof.
And that is fair enough, I suppose. But if one responds with dates and times, witnesses, or videos,
the conversation is over, accelerated into a lopsided exchange,
When one side aligns with anger and defense, the point is lost, the empathetic becomes hard, and someone walks away with I won, they lost.
Oh really? Tell me when?
That's not the point.
But you are accusing me of....
I don't remember......sputter.....let me think......
Or, I remember exactly, blah, blah
That's not true, I wasn't there...........
OK, that's the end of THIS conversation. And after 1 or 2 of these, you feel burn't. |
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