What do you say when someone dies? Estranged/bad relationship edition.

Post date: 2020-09-21 08:00:22

I have a few friends who have recently lost family members (e.g., parents) with whom they were not close and, in fact, sometimes had acrimonious relationships with (estrangement, abuse, etc.) How do you respond when someone experiences a death such as this?

In the cases of my friends, they all said they didn't feel much, and in some cases felt happy or relieved, but still the death was a Big Deal. How do you provide support to friends who are experiencing this? What have you said to friends or acquaintances when you learn they have had someone die who they didn't like or get along with? It feels coarse to say "I'm glad" but not appropriate to say "Sorry for your loss," either. I understand that grief and mourning are often complex and ongoing processes (and perhaps even more so when the griever's response doesn't fit with the cultural norm or expectation) so I would like to know what others have said and done to support friend through this sort of situation. Thanks.

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