Negotiationg group dynamics

Post date: 2020-07-13 13:06:05

In one of those interpersonal dynamics that makes me question my sanity, would love feedback. This is about work as a member of a political group.

I have to be vague sorry: I am involved in a political project that is long term, impacts my well being directly, and involves lots of other people with a very wide range of personalities, cultural backgrounds, political analysis, and also level of investment in the project. These folks are also directly impacted by the outcomes of this work.

We have a board that is roughly in charge of major decisions but there are lots of other nodes of formal and informal power in the group, things tend to run a little chaotic, and there's generally the opportunity for anyone to get involved and do more if they want to. I'm not on the board (in future I will probably run) because historically they did little, now they do more, but before I could access folks with power and share my ideas for projects easily since there was a vacuum. My ideas were previously welcomed by all to the extent people noticed, and I collaborated quite closely with the head of the board to create initiatives and complete them together. For a little while this person called me for advice and ideas and supported me when I initiated new projects. In fact, I started a big project and had this person's support as well as the support of other leaders to make this happen. I also just do a fair amount of random work that folks aren't necessarily aware of... just stuff that needs to get done to make us successful and functional

Over a long period this particular leader - the head of the board - slowly stopped returning my calls. The board started to step up and take more ownership of things and a couple of them don't like me. No one has ever directly told me that I had made them mad or why even when I brought up the question with them directly or with allies who confirmed that a couple people don't like me but didn't say why. This was a painful episode to me and had some high school vibes where there was a small group who noticeably started icing me. This is now fairly chill, I'm sometimes in meetings with these folks and it's not a big deal but those relationships haven't really recovered.

I still spend tons of time working on this big picture project, but I no longer receive invites to meetings, or crucially, any call backs from the head of the board. I have tried a couple times over a few months to bring this up and they have acted like nothing is wrong. When I ask about how to fix my dynamic with the other folks that iced me, this person says their philosophy is best not to try to talk about this stuff directly. So I assume they too do not want to talk to me directly. This person ultimately makes big decisions and influences the direction of other board members. They have the ability to impact the other members quite strongly.

The fact that no one has ever explained to me what the hell I did wrong is really tough for me. And whatever the intent, this group of board members including the head of the board have isolated me from meaningful involvement.. I don't even know when events are happening that I could participate in in a purely supportive way (think tabling instead of deciding policy).

Scenarios that might be true?

1) I am just actually annoying and no one wants to work with me. I should back off and drop it. Maybe? But in other parts of my life I have a group of loyal friends and also participate in other political projects that have nothing of this dynamic and I seem to be valued. I also receive positive feedback in my job. So I think I can't be someone who is just really hard to be around?

2) This person - head of board - and the others who have iced me are just being jerks or avoidant or not even registering their impact? Definitely all possible. If so, is there some way for me to impact their behavior or work around them to reconnect to the project?

3) Some other scenario?

My wish is to get back 'in the loop' to at minimum be invited when tehre's work to be done. Eventually I can run for board and have more legitimacy. I keep composing a letter to the head of board who previously was my ally and co-conspirator, but I haven't hit send...

Suggestions welcome although I fear you will advise me to just drop out for a while. I'm open to that but it's my last choice. While I could drop out, I can't get away from the people or the issues and the outcome of this work impacts my life materially and in the short and long term.

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