So if I'm breaking old patterns...do I let the ball drop now?

Post date: 2026-07-14 09:29:20

Had previous issues with being the pursuer in new romances and I've met someone new, but don't want to repeat old problems.

I'll leave my recent ex (break up was just over a year ago) out of this pattern to an extent because he pursued me at the beginning. However, I did too much to keep it afloat later when things started to fall apart. Years before, I've had times where I've kept pushing a ball uphill when the guy is not particularly into me.

Enter new guy. I've been working on a major production this summer as someone who recently changed careers into the entertainment industry. Early on I hit it off with one of the actors in the cast. I thought he was very talented and sweet and sometimes we'd walk to work together, discovering we both have enjoyment of hiking in common. He was always inquisitive about me, asked interesting curious questions. But it was all friendly.

It wasn't until my final week on the job that I felt he was flirting. A hand on the arm too long, leaning in and touching more often. Blushing when I came into the room. On my last night we went to a party and although it was hard to get close to him at first (could be a sign of things to come as an up and coming actor!) he asked me to wait for him, and then we left together and had a great conversation. I had to run and get a train, but asked for the best way to keep in touch before leaving. He said he had zero social media but could give me his phone number which he did.

A couple of days later I messaged to say hello and sent a link to a video we'd been talking about. He replied saying he had really enjoyed our conversations, said a bit more about our mutual interest and asked if I got home ok. But crucially there was no suggestion of meeting up again etc, so I'm having trouble working out if it was just a polite sign off. I know I'm not 100% sure if it could even be a romance yet, I think it might actually be nice to start as friends. What I don't want is to reply again if he's trying to let me down gently.

In the past I have been extremely good at overwriting the reality in order to pursue someone because I like them, but I don't want to do that again. What do people think

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