Our mother passed away and we are putting together a casual memorial in a local arboretum. We want it to be as successful (people sharing memories) as possible, but we children are all introverts and feel like we don't know how best to do/encourage that. Help.
Our mother passed away last winter. We put off having a memorial until Spring so that we could have it outside. We are planning a very casual memorial in a local arboretum (our mother loved trees).
My siblings are I are all pretty introverted; my sister (the eldest) the least so, but she also may be the most emotional during the memorial, so I don't want her to have to lead and feel she has to choke down her tears.
We grew up agnostic, so we don't have much experience with (or frankly, interest in) churchy funerals.
We have invited my mother's elderly friends and a couple lovely people who worked with her at her retirement home.
Other than each of us getting up and saying/reading something we want to say about our mother, I am a little at loose ends about the best way to encourage the others to share their remembrances of our mother.
Like, we can say
"If anyone would like to share a memory or funny story about our mother, please do so...",
but my worst fear is that that will be met with no one saying anything
(out of either nerves, or them feeling put on the spot and they can't just quickly think of one).
I hope to be able to put together a slideshow of photos and a few video clips, which I guess I would play after my siblings and I spoke. (maybe that would give people some time/inspiration to think of something they might want to say?)
I'm rambling, but basically I guess my question is this:
• If you have been to a funeral/memorial where there were good/great "ice-breaker" things that helped people share their memories, what were they?
Other than a blank guest book for people to write in (which I feel might be limiting because only one person could do it at a time, and might feel rushed), I was thinking we could maybe put some blank watercolor-paper cards on each table with some pens, and if people wanted to write a memory on it, they could, and then have a box/basket where people could leave them (or we also have some pre-addressed envelopes if people want to write something at home and drop it in the mail).
Or—and this may be too weird—we could ask questions as prompts for them to either directly answer on the cards, or just to inspire thoughts/memories about time spent with our mother; something like
"Did you ever have what you thought at the time might be a disaster, but then you and our mother fell into fits of laughter at the situation?" (Mom always found the humor in the absurd),
"Did you have a favorite song you like to sing with our mother (or hear her sing)?" (Mom also loved singing),
"When you think of our mom, is there a specific moment like a photo that comes to mind—like 'us having just successfully moved into our new office, covered in dust, and rewarding ourselves by going to get ice cream at Baskin Robbins'?"
Some of the attendees were part of our multi-family Friendsgiving, so I could ask something about a funny memory from those events...
And I guess I will try to tell a few short little stories and remembrances in my "speech", and maybe that might prime the pump for others...?
So, again, any ways/techniques/things-we-can-hand-out-or-have-on-each-table to encourage sharing, be it vocal or written.
Also, if you have an idea of a basic itinerary/schedule such as
"12:00 noon - greet people as they arrive"
12:15 - children's speeches
12:30 - encouraging others to share
1pm - slide show and ice cream"
that would be helpful (and might include things we hadn't even thought of)
Thank you |
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