Should I move back to my home country?

Post date: 2022-01-18 03:55:09
Views: 83
I'm an immigrant who has lived in a Western country for decades. Should I move back to my home country?

I'll try really hard to keep this concise. Difficult to do, as this is a really fraught subject for me.

For the purpose of this question: the word 'here' means 'the Western country in which I currently live'; the word 'home' refers to my country of origin.

So, me: immigrant. Grew up in my country of origin but my parents worked extremely hard to make it possible for me to emigrate to a Western country. The expectation was always that I would move West and not come back.

The problem is it's getting on the 20th year of my life in this country and I just... am not happy, and want to go home.

There are many problems with this. I have a life here. I am single, but I own a home, I have relationships, a life and a lifestyle that could not be perfectly replicated in my country of origin. I have a lot of freedom and flexibility here that I would not get at home. I also, in theory, have a wide dating pool available.

In my home country I would have FAR less space (I'd have to live with my family - I won't go into it, but for Reasons, I could not live by myself or with housemates), less flexibility, less access to amenities, less freedom, and not much of a social circle. It would take work to build one up from scratch. It's one of those cities where friend circles are quite stable and closed. Culturally, it's also a city where it is very hard to date. Most people my age are married and online dating isn't really a thing. This is a big problem for me. There's nothing wrong with being single, but I do not want to remain single by default. Another big problem for me is distance from my siblings. They and their families all live in the West and I can see them now at the drop of a hat. The idea of being a 14 hour plane journey away from them is untenable to me. Honestly it's a big, big part of what keeps me here.

So, why do I keep thinking about moving back? I worry about my family - they need my support. I love them and miss them, and I want to get more time with them as they get older. I recently posted a question about wanting to get a job that would allow for periods of remote working. It's important to me to be able to have more time with them.

I love my home city in ways that I find difficult to put into words. I feel still and at peace there even when things are going wrong; I feel that most of the time, when I'm in my Western home, there is something inside me incomplete or yearning, and when I'm at home, that feeling is simply not there. (However, part of me does wonder if that peace is simply because I'm usually on holiday when I am there. Would it be different if I actually lived and worked there?)

I also feel more creatively free - I do much more of my chosen creative practice there.

Also, whenever I go there, I am conscious of something else: optimism. My home country has a growing economy. There are always things happening. People are excited about the future. People don't sit and complain about how terrible things are, how this country is going to the dogs, etc. To me, as someone who has spent much of their formative years mired in pessimism, this is... amazing.

It's weird to me because I did not have a brilliant childhood in my home country. I felt depressed and anxious, I had very few friends, and was desperate to get out. My self-confidence, sense of self etc only really blossomed after I left my home country. Now, 20 years later, I feel as desperate to go back.

So, yeah. Honestly, I don't really know what to do. I am just tired of feeling unhappy and always missing home. But I am worried about what a big and impractical change it would be. If I were to consider moving back, how exactly should I even go about such an enormous, life-changing move? Should I, shouldn't I? How would I even make such a big decision? What if I make the wrong decision? If I decided to stay here, what could I do to make myself feel more rooted, less restless? I'd be really interested to hear from other Mefites who have been in comparable situations.

Please be kind and excuse length, sentimentality and the privilege inherent in this question. AskMe has always been a kind place; thanks in advance.
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