|How to better handle the situation and communicate with my stepson since I don't want him to come back to my house right now ?
Due to the present state of affairs concerning the spread of the coronavirus, I don't want my stepson to come back to our house (wife, daughter & myself) right now. He's 30 yo, has just resumed a higher education, and it's been the 3rd time since March that he has asked us to stay at our house. He's my wife's son, and we don't want him to feel rejected, but each time he has stayed here has been quite worrisome.
The first time, because he has been working in a different region (we live in France) where the incidence rate was much higher (we live in a rural area).
Then while he was staying here, he had a tendency to state that the virus was nothing at all, just a kind of flu, bla bla bla. He got back to work, asked us to stay here a second time, then decided to resume his studies, got to another region, came back. He used a carpooling service, and while he was with us, met with some friends, spent some evenings with them, went to the restaurant... I confronted him, told him that I didn't agree with it, and he told me that he wasn't ok with the conditions under which he could stay at our home and then went to a different city to attend his university classes for a while.
I have to specify that I'm considered a person "at risk" because of my heart condition (an open heart surgery has been postponed because of the virus).
On the basis of his pattern of behavior, I told my wife that I wasn't ok with him coming back anytime soon, especially since the numbers are going up and everything is shutting down here.
He called a moment ago to ask us if he could come back, because his classes are going to get online and he doesn't need to attend to anything. My wife told him I wasn't sure. There was no further conversation, except through text messages : he had to cancel his carpool reservation, he won't come to see us next Christmas or even at the end of his school year, we're being ridiculous, we're being unjust because our daughter (10 yo) keeps going to school, my wife keeps working and thus put me at risk...
Am I overly cautious ? ( he seems to think that he's not putting anyone at risk because to him he behaves in a sensible way).
Is there a way that I could frame my need for security so he wouldn't feel rejected ?