a low stakes question about guest manners.

Post date: 2020-06-30 09:27:12

how much truth is the right level of truth for a guest?

You are going to host a very small gathering. (Assume a post-COVID world; COVID stuff doesn't figure into this scenario.) You tell your prospective guests what you are planning to serve in advance and you give them a chance to respond. So just for the sake of example, say you are inviting three people, and you tell them something like "I'll make burgers and a tomato salad, sound good?"

Now. Unbeknownst to you, one of your guests hates ONE of the things you mentioned. Tomatoes, say.

What is the better course of action for the prospective guest, who has been asked whether this menu is ok?

Option 1: graciously STFU. At time of event, just eat the other thing. Carries risk that you may have gone all out on making the tomato salad, and now they've annoyed you by wasting your efforts, since if you'd known, you wouldn't have worked hard to make a thing that 1/3 of your guests hate.

Option 2: tell the truth, like "I can't really eat tomatoes, but I love burgers, so I'll be fine and it sounds great!" This way you know that 1/3 of your guests dislike tomatoes, and you can choose a course of action according to your level of caring. Carries risk of annoying you by being demanding.

I'm torn here. If it were a question of the main dish, I would definitely recommend the truth, right? Like don't let your host knock themselves out making you a rib roast if you're a vegetarian. But if it's just half of the meal, and if it's not a food allergy, but just a strong dislike. What then?

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