I don't know what to make of my niece's reactions to me. She used to be open to me, like her sister and brother are. This suddenly changed around the time her mother decided to leave my brother.
The girls are four, the boy is older.
- The mother is a manipulative, lying, emotional trainwreck/piece of work. She's been emotionally abusive to my brother (ranging from suicide threats, making false allegations to police, and smearing him to his entire social network, to daily insults, alongside abandoning him literally as soon as a life-changing health issue occurred). The separation has been unfolding for two years and my brother was really very poorly treated at the end of it. They claim to have kept conflict from the kids, but I'm sure they sense it.
- I was as civil to the mother as I could be through their relationship. She did flip out on me once. (She showed up at our family home, I was there alone. I told her I was exhausted from work. She wanted to discuss something she cared about — not a personal issue — I said I'd be happy to engage another time, but I couldn't see straight at that exact moment. I shit you all not, she ran off screaming and crying. I was perplexed. Anyway this was years ago. We had seen each other many times since and things were fine as far as I knew.) I never spoke to her while they were separating, but obviously privately took a side as I tried to support my devastated and confused brother. I know he let her know I was unambiguously his ally at some point.
- The mother kept myself and the rest of my brother's family at arms length for years. We'd see the children at holidays, and when my brother would bring them over on his own. Nevertheless, we engaged with the kids as much as possible. All three were responsive until recently. That's to say the other two are the same as ever, it's only the one niece who's very "NO" to me specifically.
- I'm not a mom, myself. So I'm not really up on contemporary parenting techniques. I also don't try to parent them. I'm pretty chill for the most part, like I don't immediately come at them when I see them. I do play with them, chase them around (like they want me to chase them), watch them play video games, make silly faces and jokes, hug them when they approach me for hugs, carry them around (the little ones now).
- My niece is very willful. I'm not sure if this is her character or a response to what's been happening. But she'll refuse to do things and throw tantrums, this sort of thing. Won't accept a no. Tbh, a part of me is worried she might be taking after her mom a bit. But obviously a lot has been going on.
- Custody isn't settled yet, but hopes are it'll be 50:50 or close to it. I intend to visit my brother and the kids as much as I'm able.
- I do suspect their mom has trashed me to my niece, at least once. (I've never said anything to the kids about her, just to be clear.) It's too weird that this change in attitude was so sudden and apparently only directed towards me. I can't do anything about it if that's the case, just saying I think that's what happened.
I'm thinking it should be like this: approach slowly, let her come to me - because she does eventually warm up. Continue to show up and be reliable. Right? Anything else I should do |
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