Work is an infinite spiral of ennui and tedium. Someone help me.

Post date: 2024-04-16 06:11:43

In a nutshell, I am a frustrated artistic, literary, nature-loving, spiritual type who has a stable 'career' in communications but my soul is slowly dying. I am bored. I hate screen-based life. I hate my colleagues. I hate the work. Someone help.

Instead of repeating myself (and I'm embarrassed that I am STILL writing on Metafilter about this) but I am literary type who had a career in the book world and journalism - from running a bookshop to being a literary editor and a published author. However, after the pandemic and relocation away from the city, I fell into communications for a steady income as a kind of stopgap career while I settle into a new life.

I have spent the last four years working in communications for non-profits and it has led to a disconcerting, low hum of depression, anxiety and ennui. I have chronic insomnia as my wants and needs are in conflict, and I generally feel as if I am wasting my life.

I hold on to communications because it is in-demand and pays relatively well. Plus, I live in an arty, coastal town and I am also moving in with my boyfriend and feel I need a steady position whilst we settle down. However I don't write fiction or paint anymore, lack motivation to explore my spiritual and wellbeing side or have a dynamic, deep ideas about the humanities, arts, philosophy or politics. It's just 'how can write about this boring topic in a rather boring way for a boring audience working alongside boring colleagues.'

I have huge regrets of not sticking with my literary path in some way or taking more risks. Maybe I can take risks when my relationship settles down?

FYI Moving back to a city is not an option.

What can I do? Has anyone else had a similar experience

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