What to say when people ask about roommates

Post date: 2023-06-09 06:16:14

I am looking for an apartment in a new city. My budget is pretty low. People keep suggesting I get roommates, and I don't know what to say to shut that down, especially since I don't need to disclose the real reason to everyone.

I can't have roommates because I have had deeply traumatic roommate events before.

One roommate tried to rape me and stalked me when I moved out.

Another roommate teamed up with the landlady to try to get me evicted because they were uncomfortable with my suicide attempt (a pill overdose). I was subjected to all sorts of bullying and harassment from both of them while I tried to look for a new place while also trying to recover. (I submitted a disability discrimination claim against my landlady--she had a lawyer, I didn't, and she also didn't share required documentation--they found in her favor.)

I've done so much work to try to make my PTSD more manageable, even EMDR. For a long time dealing with any landlord at all would bring on a panic attack. I've worked hard to improve that, but the roommate trauma is deep. I don't need to even risk dealing with the PTSD/anxiety again, let alone any future events that could happen. I do understand the need for exposure therapy, but this is way too much.

However, people (in various contexts) keep suggesting I get roommates to cut costs in my new apartment. I don't feel like I have to share this story with everyone. If I say something like "that's not an option," then they often keep pushing it. Or, worse still, if this is online, more people usually join in with "what do you mean it's not an option? It'll save you money!" Or something similar.

I don't mind offering a white lie if it's something that will shut down the conversation. The only idea I have is to claim allergies. What would you say in my situation?

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