Can your heart just get irrecoverably broken by a partner?

Post date: 2021-10-16 08:50:50

So, my relationship has been fantastic at times, and troubled at other times. My wife has a short fuse at times; arguments over big and small things have devolved into screaming, and I'm usually the one who calms things down. This has happened maybe, on average, bi-weekly over two years. It floods me with adrenaline, reminds me of some childhood trauma, and takes me days to recover from. The latest time this happened, I didn't really recover fully. My wife, after some time away, agrees that things need to change, and has committed to change quite earnestly, but I feel like my heart isn't in it. Has anyone else been here? Do you think this is over?

I don't want to give the impression that I've been perfect. I've definitely done things that have contributed to her stress level, which makes the screaming more likely. At the same time... the screaming. And a pattern of defensiveness and minimization of my wants that has made me feel pretty small.

I want to give this thing another shot if I can. I know that marriage is up and down. But I'm kind of feeling... done, categorically different from how I felt during other ups and downs. The relationship 'split in two' in my head, and I've felt bitter and depressed ever since. I don't want this feeling to dominate me, but I also don't think it's invalid. Is this a done thing, according to the experience of married and formerly married people on here?

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