What to do with 'confused' coparent?

Post date: 2021-08-02 08:18:49

My coparent seems very confused right now. We communicate only on a coparenting app (OFW) due to a high conflict divorce. There was very little communication for the past month. Suddenly coparent is repeatedly making out-of-the-blue and difficult-to-understand accusations. There is some history of diagnosed (and undiagnosed) mental illness and/or mini-strokes for coparent. I'm not sure what to do.

My best guess is that coparent is mis-reading a message I sent that was intended to clarify coparent's travel itinerary for the children for a trip that coparent took with the children in July 2021. Coparent appears to be reading my clarification of the itinerary as my intent to take the children on this itinerary? This is odd for 2 reasons. First, coparent had previously confirmed the clarifications I made (before this trip). Second, the itinerary dates are all from July 2021 -- already in the past when coparent started sending messages yesterday. As an example, the final message from coparent yesterday is copied below; This message is a "reply" to a message clarifying the itinerary before the trip started:

"We went to court fir me to get those dates. Please do not rearrange a terribly child custody that has already been arranged. Your days are the first half of August. You have plenty time then."

This was yesterday's third message in a row responding to my 'past itinerary clarification' message; All three messages were similarly confusing and difficult to parse, so I didn't make any response.

I did respond this morning with a brief message, "You seem upset about something, but it's not clear to me what it is. Can you clarify what you're asking for, or what it is that I've done that is problematic?" That message was read 2 hours ago, with no response.

Coparent had an apparent psychotic break in the fall of 2018 (during our divorce proceedings). At that time, coparent was texting in complete word-salad (stuff like "The electricity isn't working right, I'm testing it with pizza delivery.") I'm not sure what the cause of this 2018 behavior was -- coparent told me first that it was a medication error from the pharmacy, but later coparent told me it was a mini-stroke (transient ischemic attack). Despite requests, coparent never provided medical documentation of either of these claims.

The current level of confusion in the communications from coparent makes me wonder if I need to take action or not. I'd prefer to not take action -- assume that whatever is going on, it's not my problem. If I do take action, I see the following options:

1. Call/Text coparent's mother (who lives locally) and ask her to check on coparent. I'm not on speaking terms with coparent's mother, so this is 'awkward'.

2. Call my family law attorney and alert her to my concerns. This is probably the "right" thing to do. However, I've already spent $30k+ this year in attorney fees and am really tired of paying / financing family law bills.

3. Call the police and ask for a wellness check. This could dramatically escalate conflict, although given the high level of conflict I'm not sure what it means to escalate conflict. All I know is that I'll do anything I can to minimize conflict.

4. Ask my 12-year-old tonight after kid-pickup if their mom is acting strangely. If 12-year-old is concerned, then pursue either option 1, 2 or 3. I really try to keep the kids out of coparent conflict, however, and this seems to skate that line.

I don't like any of these options. Am I missing another option? Can I just let this 'sit' or do I have an obligation to act? I believe that coparent lives alone (no other adults in house).

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