Friend or Foe?

Post date: 2021-03-05 04:07:19

Coworker drama: Are these comments aggressive?

Scenario: Three employees who work in very close proximity. I am conflict avoidant and live and let live. I often have trouble asserting myself. Second employee, the employee I work with most and have an issue with, is rigid, opinionated, and moralistic. Third employee is a helper employee and with us some of the time. They are unassuming and easygoing.

My question: Is rigid employee's behavior intentionally aggressive? What am I missing? Am I taking her comments personally or not personally enough?

Coworker knows my politics lean left. Coworker will pointedly speak to third employee in my direct earshot on how current administration or current left politics are wrong/stupid/idiotic, etc. I say nothing because I refuse to discuss politics at work and this coworker is such a black and white thinker, and so firm in her stance in what is right and good, that discussing would be unproductive and not a respectful sharing of viewpoints. After she shares her opinions I act as if they were never said. I don't say a word and she doesn't ask my opinion or attempt to discuss any politics with me. A while ago when she was first hired I shared my political beliefs without knowing hers. I then avoided politics altogether, except once when I took the bait.

I find what she criticizes and seems genuinely bothered by banal and simpleminded. I think she watches what Fox is outraged by and adopts the outrage of the day. I try to keep this in perspective. She can be low, unsophisticated, and mean-spirited in her critiques and uses words like "retarded" "shitshow" "idiotic" "morons".

Sometimes I feel like a fool because I am still friendly with her and will even spend my lunch break with her. Most of the time my feeling is to allow her to be and say without getting offended or holding it against her. Because most of what she says I cannot take seriously. I still can't help to think that her comments are directed toward me and are intentionally aggressive.

I get the feeling that she is attempting to show that I am wrong and she is right. It's as if she is so bothered by my beliefs that she can't help to take a jab or she is so compelled to say something because she has to share what she knows and believes as "right".

Since I usually avoid conflict at all costs these sort of political comments seem adversarial and unnecessary. My feeling is that if we want to be friendly and keep it professional we should refrain from this sort of thing.

What am I missing? Are these comments normal or are they aggressive? Am I an idiot for still being friendly? Most of the time I can see that she's wrapped up in political ideas or opinions that don't matter in the big scheme so I let it go. I do wonder if I should protect myself more or if I'm being a fool? Or am I worrying too much about this altogether?

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