I have become my mother, episode 45

Post date: 2021-03-02 07:13:52

One of the grade school kids I sometimes read to in my new country of residence has started to remark on my physical imperfections. I actually find this funny in an ironic sort of way, because I did the same thing to my mom when I was little. But in the year of our Bog 2021, this doesn't seem like something I should be allowing to let slide. Help this non-mom negotiate what could be a teaching moment.

I am in a country where I use my second language quite a bit. I'm proficient but not fluent.

On occasion I read to a couple of little girls, probably around 1st or 2nd grade age. One of them, we'll call her T, is direct to a fault, and apparently I resemble her grandmother.

Well, T has started to note my (many) physical imperfections. I don't detect a mocking or malicious motive at all... I did the SAME THING to my mom at that age, frequently! And it was allowed to go by.

Well... several decades of feminist education later, I don't think it's something that should be allowed to go unremarked. Eventually T will turn that eye in upon herself, and / or will think that it's OK to do with other kids.

How to handle? The parents are usually around doing something else when this happens. And I should reiterate that I'll be using language #2. Finally, I haven't raised children or ever really been responsible for them.

My first thought of course is to say something to T the next time it happens, but she's little. Saying "it's not nice to do that" seems so lame, and doesn't really get to the point... but I'm not sure how much more sophisticated the message can get before she won't understand it.

I could indicate that when we see that stuff in others, we'll start seeing it in ourselves, and people are more than the sum of their imperfect parts. So it's best to try to see people's good features AS WELL AS their imperfections.... and to remark on only the good unless you are asked for feedback on the imperfections.

My reading to the kids is completely voluntary and I actually enjoy it, for what it's worth. I'd prefer that it continue as would the others involved. However, a temporary timeout on the reading, should I say something and she continue to do it, might also be in order. I can always pull T's mom or dad aside and say something, emphasizing that it's not a reflection on them and that I myself did it when I was her age.

Complicating factor: the second little girl is much quieter and seems more fragile, and I don't want to do anything that would cause her to take it on.

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