How to navigate this wedding gift dilemma?

Post date: 2021-01-26 06:23:47

Friend X is getting married. I will give them a gift, and because Reasons, I want to spend quite a bit to purchase something big from their registry. Friend A also wants to give them a gift, and suggested going in on one together. Friend A is a senior and on a very limited income and will not be able to spend that much money. How to navigate this politely and without hurting Friend A's feelings?

I absolutely do not want to say to Friend A "I'm spending more than you, so let's not go in on it together." That would make them feel really bad, and this year has already been hard enough on them.

So I think my options are:
-- Say yes to Friend A, accept her small contribution, purchase the large gift and say it's from both of us. I don't care about Friend A potentially "getting credit" for having purchased half of a large gift. I worry that Friend A will understand that I chipped in 90% of the purchase price and feel bad about it.
-- Say yes to Friend A, split the cost of a small gift from both of us. Separately purchase a more extravagant gift just from me. I think there's a good possibility Friend A will never know about gift 2. Does that seem reasonable?

What else am I not thinking of?

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