Hi there, me again. Seeking resources to undo brainwashing, gaslighting, the confusion of that sort of toxic dynamic. Checklists on trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance etc.
I don't generally like to label people but I believe I've been victimized and manipulated pretty significantly and I won't be able to move forward effectively without regularly reminding myself of the reality of the situation I am in. I have a problem with basically gaslighting myself into believing my partner's version of things, doubting my understanding of what's wrong with my relationship. I need to train myself to stop doing that. I have this nagging feeling that I really was just overly demanding, my expectations were too high, I pushed him away, I'm really just crazy and finally became too much trouble. That sort of thing. I honestly have no idea what's true anymore as everything has been so twisted.
I have a T, and will be seeking a new one that specializes in psycholigical abuse/covert narcissism/APD traits, but in the meantime I need other things to read/think about, worksheets to complete, search terms to Google etc. I found Dr. Armani's YouTube channel. I am in a couple of support groups and have a few friends that have made themselves available to continue telling me things like "wanting your partner to pull their own weight financially and be willing to discuss problems is normal and reasonable."
I need to detox and deprogram myself and I figure the hive mind probably knows some good resources for me. Placing this in health and fitness as the focus is on restoring mental wholeness. |
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