Conflict avoidant + anxious = disaster

Post date: 2020-06-30 16:48:22

I am extremely conflict avoidant, and now it seems to be triggering panic attacks. If you've dealt with this, what are your coping strategies and tools?

I have always been terrible at anything that involves even a hint of conflict. I can't negotiate to save my life. It's a running joke in my family that I get physically uncomfortable when my partner haggles in a street market.

But it's getting a lot worse now. Illustrative case: I am working with an attorney on a thing. The attorney is my attorney. I had to ask them some clarifying questions about paperwork, and I emailed them.

I didn't hear back from them for a while, and had to follow up with a phone call. Gearing myself up to make that call was hugely stressful, but the even worse part was that my anxiety got worse with each ring of the telephone . What if they answered? What if I annoyed them? Cue panic attack.

I'm being literal: I felt my anxiety physically ratcheting up with each ring, and the relief I felt when I got voicemail was startling.

This seems dysfunctional, and I'm about to enter a life phase where for many years I am going to have to both be my own advocate and deal with people who may not like what I have to tell them.

If this is or has been you: what's your advice on how I can manage this anxiety and avoidance so that it doesn't incapacitate me?

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