Help me with this casual-texting block in a long-time friendship.
One of my closest friends is someone I met at work about five years ago. We would chat almost every day in person and often catch up at happy hours. We also hung out often outside of work: she hosted TV watch parties, we would go to plays or movies, I was invited to a lot of parties and outings in her existing social group. The last few years, I also have been invited on the "sister trip", the annual vacation including her, her sisters, and several other friends.
In August of last year, she got pregnant, and in November, I left for another job (same geographical area). We've met up a few times for dinner since then, and as usual, when we catch up in person, we're both very candid and thorough in our updates. The thing that's strange to me is, I've never established a consistent text conversation with her, outside of "How are you? I'm fine!" check ins and setting up in-person dates. I've mentioned it specifically to her, how sometimes I think of texting her about minor things (my sister being irritating, considering a new haircut), but I don't want to bother her. She said I was completely welcome to text her about that kind of thing, but a lot of the time when I go to initiate, I stop myself because it feels awkward.
The hesitation is odd, because I have running conversations and group chats with my mom and siblings, and quickly established a similar texting dynamic with the guy I started dating in December. It could be a lack of reciprocation from her in the same way, as I don't tend to receive "micro-updates" from her about daily happenings. I usually end up defaulting to chats with my mom or sister-- ultimately, I associate my closest relationships with this ongoing communication, so it feels like a bit of a missing piece in the friendship. (I also have somewhat of a spotty record of having close long-term friends, which is why I'm overthinking this particular dynamic, since I very much value the relationship.)
This has been a bug in my brain but workable previously, but at the present moment, we can't meet in person, and she's two weeks out from her due date. So to boil it down to my actual question(s):
- What's the best way to stay in contact with her in present circumstances? I've tried checking in since I can only imagine pending newborn + coronavirus quarantine is a stressful combination, but she's just said that she's holding up fine, without much additional detail.
- Is this a vicious cycle I'm continuing in my hesitation about "bothering" her with the little things, that could be improved by my initiating more often? Or,
- Do some relationships just not translate well into text? Are there cases where you're close with someone, but more in terms of episodes of catching up than everyday support? |
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