My excellent clinical psychologist is retiring in December. How do I honour the end of a highly meaningful to me relationship that leaves us both feeling good?
So, I'm ready for it in most ways because over the last (gulp) sixteen years she has been a thorough professional during my times adjusting to difficult health realities, the loss of my career because of these realities, exploring and grieving childhood and ongoing family abuse, and the collapse of my marriage. I feel that she has saved my life. She gave me words and coping mechanisms for all the black things that would leave me suicidal and a mess. Our therapeutic relationship has been the best interpersonal relationship of my life.
In the last few sessions, usually I see her fortnightly, we have discussed how to move on. She's been fantastic. I have been ... weeping. When I think of it outside of therapy, I am in grief. I'm in touch with why I'm having the emotions, as of course it is a grief process - this has been a singular relationship in my life. She has never let me down, played games, withheld, patronised, criticised etc. She's done her job better than anyone I can imagine doing her job, certainly far better than previous therapists I've seen. And, oh not to be weird, she's also an extremely cool person, as in she's a dog person, has fashion flair, has a wicked sense of humour and an earthiness I really admire. I'm going to miss her enormously, even as I am grateful to be standing solidly and ready to end therapy.
She is going to be honoured by her intellectual community as she retires from clinical practice, and because of her outstanding reputation, mentorship and publications, many others will be mourning the loss of her participation and contributions in her area of expertise. I say this to show that she's a much respected academic as well as practitioner. I've been very lucky to have her as my therapist and she will have many farewells in the coming weeks to endure or brave.
I've been grappling with how one truly honours this closure. I asked a psychotherapist friend about this - what would be appropriate to give her, or say to show the depth of her influence and my profound gratitude? Maybe because my friend is also a superb therapist, her response was all about honouring *my* feelings and my grief process. I want to give my therapist something but I'm stuck for what or how. Everything seems like a dumb idea and requiring I dunno, more work from her. Eg writing something which requires her to read it and feel like she has to respond.
It is no secret to my therapist that I'm struggling to think of how to honour us, the space, the journey. She's also expressed her grief at losing me too as she has found it a powerful therapeutic journey.
I've been a teacher and a mentor my whole professional life and I've had to honour goodbyes and relinquish my charges up to their futures knowing I've done a good job of getting them from where they were to where they needed to be. I liked getting a card or a note on their last day or sometime later. This just feels bigger than that.
Have you any ideas for how I can honour this ultimately fulfilling relationship, yet also grief stricken loss in our parting of ways, Metafilter?
Ps and omg shame spiral: would it be really weird to ask to have a photograph together at my last session? |
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