I'm new to rage, what happens next?
(read past questions if you are interested in more detail)
For a number of years now I have been involved in a poly relationship with a married couple, who are also my oldest friends, and a 4th party, who eventually became my partner.
Around a year ago things blew up and the married couple pulled away and my partner and I pulled away but stayed together. The four of us were mostly ok socially together and I assumed everything would be fine eventually.
About a month ago I received a text from my partner informing me that our relationship was over, two weeks after that I found out she is with the husband of the other couple again. I have also now learned the amount of disrespect, lying and emotional dishonesty that was going on.
My main focus currently (and the focus of the few other friends aware of the situation) is to get the wife of this married couple as far away from her husband and my ex as possible, it's an extremely toxic situation but if things go according to plan we will have her moved in with other friends this week.
I am trying to deal, I think I am doing it right, I have therapy, I deleted all their contact info, I am staying off of social media, I have tons of friends who are being amazing at reaching out and dragging me off the couch, I am seriously blessed.
However I am currently struggling with an endlessly burning white-hot rage, I am not an angry person, I'm usually referred to as the sleepy bear or gentle giant, I can honestly say I have never really been angry before, at least not like this. My stomach hurts 24/7 and I exist in a near constant state of rage. I cannot go back to the bleeding ulcers and puking blood from when I was a teen who couldn't deal with anything yet this feels exactly like that. I don't want to feel anything, I have no interest in anything but leaving this all behind and making sure my friend is ok and supported. How can I stop this rage and the constant pain of this burning stomach? |
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