Okay, I'm back again. I've been trying to job search for a new position since getting my MLIS in April and I've kicked my job search into gear last week because my hours at my current job have been cut. I've been feeling a lot of momentum. I also have *so much* anxiety with regards to my job search that, I think it really takes away from my ability to actually apply for jobs and see what I have to offer clearly. How can I do this and be less anxious?
I'm already in therapy, so concrete tips on what else I can do would be appreciated!
I guess it's not easy for anyone, but job searching brings out all of my very worst anxious traits. I have applied for a minuscule number of jobs over the past 6 months (4 in total, 2 just in the last few days, interviewed for 1). On one hand there has been a dearth of library positions posted in Alberta over the past 6 months, and I doubt that will improve over the next 4 years. However, there are a few that I probably could have applied to, that I just didn't because of my anxiety.
In particular, I really get stuck at the cover letter. When I think of how I have to "sell" myself to a potential employer. I just start to feel not great about myself. It's been even worse lately, because of the situation at my current job. On top of my regular anxiety when writing a cover letter, now I have an extra layer of literally regretting every. choice. I have ever made that led me to this point. I wish I had more clarity and more resilience to deal with the process of applying for jobs, just writing a cover letter boom! submitting it! boom! applying for another! and so on! I spend so much time thinking about the job I'm applying for that I psych myself out and think of so many reasons why I'm not qualified.
In the midst of my anxiety last night, I asked how to re-apply to a job I was rejected from a months ago. I rewrote my cover letter for the position, but now I'm second guessing myself "well, if I was rejected the first time maybe it IS weird that I'm applying to it again." However, positions feel so and far between that I feel dumb for not applying to it? I've been attaching SO MUCH of my worth and my value as a person to getting a fucking decent job (which I've never fully had in my adult life yet), that I just feel like a failure.
How do I apply for all these jobs, knowing that... well, there's a fair chance I might not get an interview? Or if I get an interview, I might not get the job? I want to not be so affected by these "failures," and stay focused and use my momentum to help me be a better applicant/interviewee. I'm tired of second guessing EVERY step I take and feeling like a failure. And then worrying about it until I hear back (or don't). I don't want to need ask people for their opinions on my job search, or how to do things, I just want to be able to get things done and move on.
Sending in an application for a new job just feels SO BIG to me and so MEANINGFUL, that I can't calm down and step back!!! How do I become more resilient during this search? |
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