During some interviews for jobs out of state, we found out we've got a baby on the way...I still would like to move, but it doesn't seem feasible - I could use some ideas on how to best deal with this, or at least some opinions from the neutral hive.
I've been on the job hunt, because of several factors: my current gig is stagnant, non-challenging and routine (after being there over a decade), I'm unhappy with management, and I'd really like to get out of our town/state to relocate to greener pastures.
We live in a 'coastal elite' area, so the rent is too damn high, the crowds/people and traffic can be very terrible. It is great when you're in your 20's or 30's (if you can afford it), but I am in my mid forties, and my wife is in her late thirties. The local and state politics seem to be getting insane or more extreme, take your pick, and while that's not a deal breaker, it doesn't help.
I've been interviewing for a couple of positions that would be lateral moves for me, one in the same state, two others in neighboring states (I'm pretty sure one of these is about to fly me out for the in person interview). Right in the middle of all the multiple interviews I've been doing, we found out our first child is on the way! :D this is great news for both of us. But now the idea of relocating is either off the table completely or would take a lot of convincing my wife.
She has lived in our current area her whole life, but she agreed with me about looking to relocate and branch out on our own. Her parents did the same thing 40-50 years ago when they moved here and started their family (much easier and cheaper back then!) Her immediate family are all here, though not necessarily next door....all of her siblings (and their families) are spread out within 10 to 60 miles, her parents are ~20 minutes down the road from us. All my family resides on the opposite coast. I moved here 15 years ago, so another move for me isn't as significant, but I understand my wife's reluctance to uproot with a bun in the oven. (is that a totally not PC term nowadays?)
While having family and friend support next door is a BIG deal, I am looking more at the long term. The housing market where we live is pretty bad. We make good money, but good money does not get you much. It would take a huge chunk of our assets to put down a convincing down payment, let alone finding a worthy property in the right location. Then you're competing with the token multiple offers from parties with much greater resources. I have owned homes previously, and I'm not settling for a fixer upper, etc. because even 'distressed' properties are way over-priced here. A third to half of what you'd spend here would buy you a TON of house for the money in the two other states.
The job locations out of state are 1) a small beautiful town with a population under 100k, and 2) another major metro city with the same problems we see everyday, though lesser to a degree. During my interviews, I have been doing my homework on the small town, and it sounds just about perfect for us. While I would make less money in this small town, we would not pay nearly as much taxes, and overall living costs will go down too. All the money we saved would be set away for our child, reinvested for retirement and whatever else, like plane tickets to visit family more often. Speaking of our kid, I'm pretty sure that the small town would be a better place to raise them, educationally speaking too. Ultimately, the small town move seems like a no brainer, it is right next door to huge national forests, parks/trails, tons of nature, mountains, rivers/lakes, scenery, has a relaxed pace of life, more breathing room, etc. and they get very decent weather too. We're outdoorsy, so it seems like a good match (wife is a trail runner), and the town's not totally backwoods, there is yoga and a Whole (paycheck) Foods there for my wife ;)
I think ultimately, we're not going to relocate, which is very disappointing to me. I don't want us renting anymore, so we have to figure out and really knuckle down our search for a home to buy here, and that's a whole other thread right there.....I hate spending so much money on such over-inflated and underwhelming real estate. I feel we're going to have to purchase pretty far out to get the kind of home we want. Both our commutes would increase significantly, but my wife would only be affected for a few months, she plans to stop working for a few years once the baby arrives. Would the quality of life improve or worsen? We wouldn't be 'house poor' but it would take some adjusting to being a single income family here. Am I a cold, logical bastard for looking at this financially? We wouldn't have a big mortgage payment, a gnarly commute or all the rat-race stress in a small town, but grandma and grandpa, etc. wouldn't be nearby either. Nothing stopping them from visiting us either....! One upside is that unless the whole area falls into the sea, the equity built up even after a couple of years would not insignificant.
I'm glossing over a lot of other stuff so that this doesn't turn into a novel.....like the fact that over half the time I've lived here, I was in a very unhealthy relationship with a borderline who nearly made me commit suicide, so I've got a somewhat tainted lens from my history here. THANK GOD for my wife and her family (and therapy).
I understand the huge reservations from my wife, and this decision is something we would both have to agree on obviously. Thanks for reading and if you have any pearls of wisdom to help navigate the shifting currents here, thank you for your reply in advance. |