I have two friends, both of them relatively new friends, who I formed good, individual connections with, last year. For some reason, inexplicably, they've both ghosted on me.
Before I begin, I acknowledge and recognize that the feelings I'm working through are part of my unpacking process, and some of them are something I should talk through/explore with a therapist, when I get one.
This has been disheartening. Last year, I formed/built friendships with two people: let's call them Brad and Paul. I've known both guys for a while, from back then (we all graduated from the same university, although over different years, and work at the same workplace, in different departments), but recently became closer with them, separately. I had some amazing conversations with Paul, and he came to my apartment several times. Brad treated me to a birthday dinner. This was all last year. Brad generally can be fickle at times, but he always eventually got back to me; Paul was always very responsive and fast to respond.
This year, however, has been weird. Brad fell out of touch with me, stopping responding to my texts completely. Paul and I continued to talk, and I treated him to a birthday dinner. After that, Paul went through a personal hard time, so I was there for him, providing emotional support if he needed. This was a few months ago, and he seemed to be getting better.
Now, Paul had stopped talking and texting me completely. I've texted him two times (one was just a simple checkin kind of text, while describing a wedding I was at recently, which we had talked about previously; then the second was a casual "hope you're feeling better, how's things?" check-in text). No response, nothing. The time between the two texts was about a month. I gave him plenty of time; still nothing. The two texts show as delivered, so it's not an issue of him not receiving them, and he does show as active on other platforms. (His number could have changed, but he did change his number last year, and texted me right away with the change. Also, as we work at the same place, but at different departments and don't see each other in person due to proximity], he could have emailed me if it was an issue with technology.) This is perplexing because we would talk at least once, twice a week, both equally beginning the conversation.
Brad, like said above, has always been fickle/flaky, but this is the longest stretch. He, at one point, made it seem like he had a crush on me, just by the way he talked, but then he kept retreating back into his shell. (I could be wrong on the crush part, but that was my interpretation. He insisted on us getting together, but when I texted him to initiate plans, no response until months later.) Very exhausting to work with, TBH, but this is just weird.
This is hard on me, because of the abovementioned unpacking issues and feelings of abandonment, which, again, I recognize is something I need to work on. It's really hard, though, because I've been ghosted in the past and it ended up really hurting, and I'm feeling the familiar pang come back. A trigger, if you might. It's hard because I don't know what I did wrong, if anything. Just, boom, stopped talking. It's also hurtful because when Paul was going through a very hard time, at a point where many of his friends and community members abandoned/turned against him, I remained by his side. I also am not sure how to proceed, as I am very afraid if I follow up again, I'll be viewed as annoying or something. I'm in limbo, and it's not a good feeling. It's summer, his job is busy during the fall and spring, so this could have been the perfect time to get together, but nothing. Just crickets.
If you have had experiences being ghosted, I'd love to hear recommendations on the best way to proceed. I want to get out of this limbo. Thanks. |
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