How to feel better until I can afford therapy?

Post date: 2017-08-21 04:40:32

Lonely depressed introvert needs help staying afloat.

About a year ago I moved to a new city to be with my now ex partner. We broke up a couple of months ago. This was a person who I had planned on marrying, having children with, the works. It wasn't exactly sudden but my heart is broken and I am really depressed.

I am so lonely. I'm also an introvert and consider going out and meeting people to be necessary but unenjoyable work. I have been doing the "right things" both within the last couple months and since moving here. I have taken classes, joined meetups, asked people out for lunch at work, etc. I have really pushed myself to get out there and I have had some enjoyable experiences along the way. At this point I have a large circle of people I'm friendly with and even go out with sometimes. But I have no one I'm truly close with and to be honest there's no one I really like enough to pursue that with. I don't know why.

My family of origin is toxic, and they live on the other side of the world. I'm not close with any of them either. I don't have a support system. I do have a couple of dogs at least, I really don't know how I would survive without them. I often feel like I could just disappear and no one would really notice. (To be clear I am not suicidal, just depressed about my lack of intimate connections.)

I am torn about dating. I feel like I don't have time to waste because I want a family and time is running out biologically. I also have some fertility issues. But I also just feel so tired. And I feel like I am looking for someone mostly because I hate being alone, rather than out of a good and healthy place. I have dabbled with some online dating and its been abysmal anyway, making me more depressed. I know it can't possibly be true but I feel like I wasted my time on someone who didn't want me and now it's too late for me to find someone stable and sane and compatible.

I need to go to therapy, that's obvious. Breaking up with my ex has not left me in the best place financially and I'm trying to catch up. I won't have any money to spend for a few months at least, but I definitely want to go to therapy at that point. I just don't know how to keep on keeping on until then. Everything feels so hopeless. I need to go out and meet people and keep trying for a real connection, but I hate it and I'm tired of it. But then sitting at home alone also feels terrible! I feel like all my time is spent doing something i don't enjoy no matter what I do.

Tl:dr : I am lost and lonely and everything feels bad all the time. What do I do?

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