My girlfriend is super cheap and I don't know how to deal with it

Post date: 2019-02-17 09:44:18

My girlfriend is super cheap and I don't know how to deal with it.

I have been with my current girlfriend for a couple of years. We just moved in together and I was excited, but nervous. I was nervous about not having space, and I was nervous about finances. She makes six figures and doesn't have a lot of bills. I make a lot less than she does and I have a TON of health expenses. I like that she can be frugal, as she can help reign me in and help me be better with money. I am financially responsible in that I take care of myself and don't owe anyone any money. I don't want or need her money. I am fine with pulling my own financial weight. I came from a relationship where I paid for most things. I loved my ex and was happy to do it. She said that her ex wouldn't move in with her until she could pay half the bills and that he'd split things down to the sales tax.

I have always hated cheap people. To not have it is one thing, but I have tons of client that have millions of dollars and will nickel and dime you over every dollar. It is just a gross personality trait to me. I like to help people. I know that my girlfriend would judge me when I give money to a homeless person. I would rather be a good human and do some good than to worry about every single dollar. I feel like I have to hide certain parts of me like that so as not to be judged.

We previously had a conversation about this. I didn't like the feeling of "keeping score." If I bought her a coffee, or vice versa, I don't care about the 3 dollars. It makes me anxious to not just be in a relationship. I'm not expecting her to pay for anything of mine. I just bought her a gift for her for Valentine's Day because I love her and wanted to do something nice. I don't want to wait for a gift and make sure that it is of equal value. The "score keeping" makes me feel like we are in a business relationship. Perhaps I am a more generous person. I will see that Starbucks has a coffee flavor that she would like and buy her a coffee as a surprise. She would never do that.

I am fine with her going to the library etc, but I like to buy books. I like to buy stuff for my house that I enjoy. I don't want to buy a couch on Craigslist to save a few bucks. We make over 150k between the two of us. We can afford it. She is obsessed with budgeting and goes on reddit and listens to podcasts about budgeting. She can't buy certain things until later months when her budget allows for it. I love the fact that she is responsible, but the rest of this bothers me. I know that little things ad up, but I would rather not go to the movies at all than not be able to buy popcorn. I want to be able to buy a movie on demand for $5 and not feel like it is a big deal. Even when Netflix price jumped a few dollars, I thought it wasn't a big deal as they produce a lot of content. She thought it was ridiculous. Perhaps I am used to being in business and she works in healthcare

We need to buy a new bed and some other things. She wants to wait a few months since it isn't in her budget. I want to just get the apartment fixed up so that it is done and I can relax. I offered to pay and she could give me money back when her "budget" allowed for it. I will pay for the stuff myself, but I feel that I am going to start resenting her for this. I don't like the way that things feel transactional and quid pro quo. If roles were reversed, I would help her out and buy her meals occasionally etc. I would do it out of love and because I was in a position to help her when she needed it. I am not even expecting that. It just makes me feel unloved that she is sometimes selfish and always cheap.

I just want to point out that I do love her (or else I wouldn't have moved in with her), but I'm worried that this is going to be an issue and will ultimately push us apart. Again, it is not the money. It is the way that it makes me feel

Thank you in advance

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