Partner lying to lover about HIV status

Post date: 2019-01-11 06:43:42
Views: 9
My HIV-positive partner is deceiving someone he's having unprotected sex with about his HIV status. If it were out of sight, out of mind, I might be able to ignore it but my partner seems infatuated with this other person and wants him to socialize with us. I'm disappointed in him and I feel uncomfortable but he said if I tell this guy the truth about his HIV status he will end things with me. What should I do?

I'm an HIV-positive man in an open relationship with another poz man. We are both on meds, healthy and undetectable. He recently started seeing a bisexual man who is HIV-negative and really seems to like him a lot. He even wants to invite the guy over for dinner and is very excited about becoming better friends with him. He seems infatuated.

Anyway my partner told me that he did not disclose his HIV status to this guy even though they had unprotected oral and anal sex. The guy even asked my partner if he was "clean", a rude but very common way guys ask if you have HIV or not. My partner only told him "yeah, I shower regularly".

I was taken aback by this. Yes, an undetectable person cannot infect anyone else and maybe this guy should know better. But my partner rationalized it by saying "If he were that concerned about it, he should have asked more directly about it and I would have told him" which feels like a cop out. Whatever the reality of being undetectable is, HIV is clearly a concern for this guy, who is pursuing a relationship with a woman, if he's asking my partner if he is "clean". Yes, the wording was bad, but the intention behind it was clear.

I'm not sure what I should do. If this were some random dude I'd never interact with, I could say "I'm disappointed in you but this is something between you guys." But my partner is really keen on having this guy hang out with us and it makes me uncomfortable. I told him that if they develops a closer relationship and the guy finds out later about his HIV status, it could destroy their friendship. Maybe not, but if he were to come clean now, the guy may still be understanding. My partner became dismayed with my attitude and said if I ever told the guy that he's poz, we would never speak to me again and we'd be over. But even if I don't say anything, this guy could still find out; he may indeed ask more directly about my partner's status. We are all on the hookup app Scruff and the guy could very likely see my profile which includes my own HIV status, causing him to ask about my partner's. Even if not, I can't imagine them being close friends WITHOUT my partner's status being brought up at some point, since it has been a big part of his life.

Part of me is uncomfortable with being friends with someone my partner is lying to; I feel like an accomplice. Part of me is very disappointed in my partner's deception and rationalizing of it, and it makes me wonder if he has ever decieved me in a similar way. And part of me is hurt that this guy he just met is so important to him that he's break up with me if I interfered. He says I'm just jealous, which is partly true too. What should I do?
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