no place like home for the holidays

Post date: 2018-12-13 16:47:37

My grandma passed two days ago. I've been tasked to make a playlist for the funeral. My aunt (who was closest to her) said that she liked easy listening music, but it being my dad's (and probably one of my uncle's) preferred genre, I'm kind of concerned that it'll made him sad if he hears the songs on the radio from now on or something. Am I overthinking this?

Is this a valid concern? He doesn't go out of his way to listen to them but if it comes on on the radio he enjoys it and hums along. It's music he's liked for a few decades now (he's in his 60s). He doesn't really listen to other genres so far as I can tell. No one else in the family in that generation really listens to music otherwise.

I've been dealing with the death by going back to my place/life in the next city away and letting in memories when I feel I can deal with them. It works for me because she never came here, and there's nothing in my room or life here that particularly reminds me of her (we're SE Asian so gifts come in cash form that I use on groceries mainly). But in Dad's case, they lived in the same city, my folks pop in to Grandma's two or three times a week, they swap food and groceries and things all the time, so Dad's surrounded by objects and a lifestyle imbued with her memories. He's also the next of kin so will be dealing with all the paperwork and everything. So I don't have a grasp on what I would like in his situation. The music I usually listen to is what I do professionally, so my only context for that is that I wouldn't really want to have that music at her funeral because I don't want to get upset if I have to play it at work/publicly. I feel like I should feel the music would be more special for being played at her funeral or something, and maybe that might change in time, but, see coping strategy above.

If it makes a difference, we were slightly prepared for it but it was still unexpected; the estimated 1% chance things would go wrong in the surgery, did. It was kind of hell to bring the bag with the clean clothes that Grandma would've changed into after her op back home untouched. He's the one that took her to all the scans and everything, and probably would've been the one to take her back from the hospital.

This is the first death we've experienced in the immediate family as a family so I'm still feeling my way around how I should act and what to look out for and think about. Our relationship is such that I don't feel I can ask him directly (more that I'm still newly drawing my lines as an adult in the parent-child dynamic than anything else).

The other thing I could do I guess is pick music from my heritage/my family's culture, as that's not going to pop up on radio, but I don't have a feel for how different kinds of songs sit in the cultural context to know what to pick.

Grandma wasn't really a music person so it's not like she had any favourite songs or anything. We're a fairly pragmatic and not overly (outwardly) emotional family. Everyone's pretty much themselves- if fairly subdued - right now. We're kind of aiming for a not-too-sad/light/relaxed kind of vibe. So far on the list is the Carpenters, Barry Manilow, Elton John, Billie Joel, Anne Murray, Engelbert Humperdinck. So yeah, things that would likely come on in the car.

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