Mixed signals - is he just shy or just not into me - how to proceed?

Post date: 2018-11-12 20:33:51

Been seeing a new boy who has treated me like a queen but is suddenly withdrawing? Is he shy or avoiding me? How do I proceed with this?

Back story time: I met a boy a few weeks ago, I was at a gig in the smoking area between bands when I first noticed him and he kept appearing in close proximity to me and we kept catching each other's eye. He was beautiful and each time I saw him he was alone, so after a couple of liquid courage beverages I approached him to talk to him "Hi, I've noticed you're on your own, do you need a friend?" He was very lovely, soft spoken and assured me that he did have friends around although he had no idea where they had disappeared. We spoke for a long time, forged a nice connection and got along so well talking about art and music and travel and food and our lives - but he had to leave pretty early into the night to drive back home (a town which is 1 hour away) as he had to work in the morning. We added each other on social media and had two mutual friends in common - he asks me how I know them and we discover he's pretty good friends with one of the girls who I am going up to do some modelling work with in his town the following weekend. He says we should hang out when I come to his town the following weekend.

The next day I message him to say it was nice to talk to him and he asks me which day on the weekend I will be in town and suggests we hang out on Saturday night when I am up there. He first suggests a drink, and then hesitantly suggests dinner - which I enthusiastically agree too - and on the Monday before the weekend he locks it in and makes a reservation to a very nice place on the beach - locking a date in this far an advance is seemingly unheard of in my age demographic (I am 27 and he's 28) in an age of netflix and chills.

Saturday night arrives, my social anxiety kicks in and I'm nervous as hell - but he's offered to pick me up from the train station and chauffer me around for the night. We grab a drink before dinner at a nearby bar, and it's obvious we are both a bit nervous but we start chatting and the conversation flows beautifully as it did the first time we met and we both relax into the evening. We have a great night getting to know each other and there's hardly a moment of silence between us, he asks a lot of questions and knows a lot about the world and it feels as if we have known each other longer than a week at this point. We go to dinner, we are the last ones in the restaurant laughing and chatting, he says 'I'm not sure if you would want to have another drink but if you do feel like it I will take you to my favourite bar in town,' he introduces me too all of his friends at the bar, another drink turns into several other drinks, the bar closes and we go back to his house to listen to records and have a few beers on his balcony by the beach. He didn't let me pay for a thing the entire evening, but I managed to sneakily pay for a round of after dinner cocktails.

He seems to be a bit shy and at this point we hadn't even kissed but reading books on his couch eventually turns into a sleepover. I usually have a pretty strict rule about not sleeping with someone on the first date but this feels so easy and natural it happens. The next morning he is nothing but a perfect gentlemen to me, we have a lovely morning and he offers to drive me to wherever I need to be driven as I have to start working with his friend. Before he drops me off he mentions he will be in my town for work during the week and that he would love to see me. Now I've slept with a lot of jerks who have ghosted me after sex so I'm over the moon that he's already tee'd up the next meeting. He messages me later that evening to ask me how my day of work went, and while we are messaging back and forth he says "Hope to see you on Wednesday?" :-)

The next week, we have our midweek catch up which is short lived as with both have early starts the next day, but he suggests another date on the weekend on the weekend and we settle for Sunday - the only day we both don't have plans. He drives me home and plants a sweet kiss on my lips before we part ways.

Now this is where it gets complicated: we are sending each other a few friendly messages throughout the week and having a bit of banter on Saturday night (the night before we are meant to meet) when we are both out drinking in our seperate towns. We're just talking about how our nights have been when he suddenly drops into the conversation out of no where "Hey I've gotta say... I'm moving overseas and can't be that present but we can obviously hang out and stuff I just want you to know that. :-) And I'm kinda wigging out about that but I already did it hah :$" - except it wasn't typed that well so it's pretty obvious he's drunk.

I don't reply until the next morning but the thing is he's already told me during our first date that he was planning to move overseas in March which is a whole 6 months away - so now I am confused as to why he had sent me that message because it was no surprise he was leaving? He replies the next day saying he was really drunk the night before and had been very ill all morning from drinking too much and he hadn't left his bed all day. He apologises and says he is so sorry but he will have to raincheck on our date because he's too sick to leave the house, but doesn't suggest another day. I haven't heard from him since but it's only been about 24 hours since he cancelled.

The problem: is I've had so many terrible experiences with men that I don't know how to take this. Was sleeping with him so soon a mistake? Is he just trying to get rid of me because we got what he wanted? I'm so confused because even after we hooked up he still seemed into me and he was the one teeing up all the dates and messaging me afterwards. Did I do something to spook him maybe? I'm not sure how to play it now - do I just accept that he doesn't want anything from me and leave it? I don't like guys very often and he ticks a lot of my boxes and I was enjoying spending time getting to know him better and I'm upset that I've had the rug pulled up from underneath me so quickly since I liked him. Advice would be appreciated!

Additional info: I am worried he might be a player but his friend who knows him well and that knows we went on a date with each other told me after the first date old that she was very happy we had met because he is a very kind, genuine guy who doesn't date or sleep with girls very often.

Been seeing a new boy who has treated me like a queen but is suddenly withdrawing? Is he shy or avoiding me? How do I proceed with this?

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