Midlife and Sex! Sex! Sex!

Post date: 2018-11-11 09:37:58
Views: 7
Preoccupied with sex and crushes and wanting to be attractive to others. How to move on?

This is embarrassing and I probably should let it go. It's probably a phase and I'll get over it.

I'm a heterosexual female. Married for 20 years. No affairs. No inappropriate behavior. I'm 46 and while I've always been concerned about my physical appearance, I never cared too much to actually put maximal effort into how I look. I exercise and eat okay and will slap on lipstick, but I'm not what you would call vain.

I was happily breezing along with life, going to work with wet hair in a bun and carrying an extra twenty pounds when my looks are all of a sudden are very important to me. I long to be beautiful and I long to have others think I'm beautiful. Especially men. I no longer care about previous interests but have an overwhelming, all-consuming interest in my skin, my weight, and my attractiveness -level.

Appearance-wise I'm average. I'm not what you would call beautiful. All of my life I've been called pretty — by my parents. People do not hit on me unless I'm 20 lbs lighter and even then it was rare. I don't get hit on and I don't know why I care all of a sudden if I do.

Another issue is that I develop crushes on men. I have all of my life. They come out of the blue as crushes do. I'm happily married and have two teenagers. My husband and I have a lot of time to connect and hang out but we're in the grind of life. We like and love each other and have a good sex life. Lately I ask him a lot if he thinks I'm pretty, and does he love me, and if he saw me walking down the street would he think I were attractive, etc.

Currently I have a crush on a guy five years my junior and I have this desire for him to find me attractive although nothing would come of this. This crush has been going on for a couple months. We come in contact in a professional environment. I don't have an interest in jeopardizing my marriage. My crush is in a relationship. My crush probably doesn't think anything about me. I do fantasize about having sex with him.

I fantasize about bumping into my crush in town. I look for his car on the street. I want to keep this crush alive. It's a nice fantasy. It makes the volunteer work I do more enjoyable. I also have a real job and would want to drop this volunteer gig if I didn't have this little fantasy going. It was a nice surprise. I've known this guy for years and never thought twice about him. He recently got a promotion. He's more in charge and maybe that turns me on.

I'm aware that I'm searching for validation that will never transpire from approval of strangers. I feel like I'm normally pretty grounded and accepting of my looks. I think it might be my age and hormones. Maybe I'm clinging to my youth and sex is on the mind because I'm nearing toward menopause. Maybe I fear I'm old and men would never want to have passionate illicit sex with me. Maybe I want to spice up my life and this is all I've got — trying to be pretty and this crush.

It's making me an idiot. Previously I would march in unselfconsciously to meetings but now I'm beautifying myself and nervous and I'm looking at him more and I'm tripping over my words and trying too hard.

Any advice on how to proceed? Any words of wisdom? Had this happened to you? What's going on with me? Ideally I would like to get back to my life and feel more passionately about my hobbies and husband. I guess.
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