New city and relocation woes

Post date: 2018-10-20 19:06:53

Looking for strategies to fall in love with / or just be okay with living in a city when . . . you miss and want to live in another place.

I am looking for general strategies to help me get adjusted to a new city, and preferentially, grow to appreciate it and not pull away from it. I'd also like strategies to be satisfied with life when you can't always get what you want (and in this case, the city that I will be living in).

More background if it helps:

In general, I've always been an unsettled person, moving from place to place or changing jobs and never being satisfied with life.

I did have the chance quite a while ago to apply for a job and what part of the country I wanted to live in. It all worked out - I moved to "desired new city". Desired city was a very large city, diverse, and tons of stuff to do. I lived there for a decade, established hobbies, favorite places, and make great friends. I also think that something about this place or where I was in life made me more settled (I did change my life about as often as I did in the past).

Because of the increasing cost of living in desired city (and I had other goals that would be easier without the high living costs), I did research and picked "candidate city 1" - on paper, it seemed to have some of the qualities that desired new city had. But in reality (I've lived here for two years now) - I am and was miserable. I missed desired new city all the time. I compare everything in candidate city to desired new city. I miss my friends.

I have also always had anxiety and something about this candidate city 1 exacerbated it - some of the hobbies I did in desired new city - I no longer did in desired city. I don't even bother to explore many new places or try to find friends because I think - meh - I don't like this place and will move on.

So after two years of this, I am picking "candidate city 2" based on the fact that I have family there. It has some of the qualities that desired new city does and some of the things that candidate city 1 was lacking in.

My main concerns, though, are that I will be just as unhappy in candidate city 2 and I think it might be who I am (maybe I need more stimulus, or more people, or more noise, or constant novelty). I am already anxious and wonder what if I don't like this new city either, or I end up moving from city to city every other year when what I really want is desired new city.

I'm looking for any strategies. tl;dr you don't always get you want, including where you live. Strategies to cope? I'd like to fall in love with the new city or at least be okay with the place. I won't be moving there for another few months.

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