I met someone at work, a pretty intense friendship ensued, we mutually acknowledged "bigger than friends" feelings, but ruled out a romance. After bumping along for a while trying to make the friend thing work, I've realized some things I was doing that weren't great. I asked for some space, got it, and after several months I think it'd be best to just part ways. I'm not sure what I owe.
I'm not sure if a lot more color will help, but:
I began to realize, after we agreed that there couldn't be a romance for some legit reasons, that I was still pretty hooked on them. "Butterflies when I'm around them" stuff. Because we work for the same company in different locations we had a regular sort of video lunch together, and I began to look forward to it with a pretty weird mix of feelings: Partly excited, because any chance to talk to them always made me happy; but also some dread, because some part of me refused to register the "nothing romantic can come of this" agreement, and I could feel a very small, dumb part of me that was holding out hope. I stopped feeling like my best self because they brought that out in me, and started feeling like I was performing my best self because I wanted them to want me back enough to decide maybe something could happen. I didn't feel honest, or like I was acting with integrity.
So after being on that yoyo for a while, I finally took the very hard but immensely relieving step of telling them I needed to cancel that standing time together to get a little space. Since then, it's been pretty quiet. Cordial to each other when professional circumstances bring us together (that's rare). They've contacted me once over a personal channel. I was polite but brief in response.
But after months of not being around each other, I know a few things: I still think about them all the time. I still think about what set of circumstances it would take for something to happen between us. When I see them on a video screen as I walk by some conference room, I still get butterflies and my heart skips a beat. I still feel like I wouldn't really conduct myself with much integrity around them. I know one of us wants something the other does not. Just being apart hasn't caused whatever's going on inside to just heal over or go away, and I'm pretty sure that's just going to take a while. I really look forward to the day I can go a single day without thinking about them.
So, I want to explain myself enough to end the friendship. I don't want to make some big declaration of love or anything like that. I just want to say, "thanks for giving me that space. I don't think a friendship is going to work for me right now. It's not you, it's really, truly me. I feel like asking for space means also asking to have a space held open, and I don't think that's fair."
But I'm not sure what the rules are here, or if there are any. If maybe it's actually more right and proper, having asked for space then not coming back around, to just leave things be as they are with no further comment because, I dunno, everyone knows you're supposed to just fade. I don't know. I just want to be fair, kind, and decent about the whole thing, and I don't want to do anything that reads as an attempt at manipulation or drama. |
Video
Web
Image
Music
BlogU
