Suddenly I find myself getting called in by my manager, who'll be leaving in about 6 weeks being demoted in span of control, on a weekly basis! My numbers are good, although the system is not measuring all I do, but after first this, now my tasks are matter of suspicion, apparently. I'm having a hard time explaining what I do, it feels as if I'm ridiculed and that shuts me down before I even try. It also makes me mad. I never have headaches, I do now.
As I only work two days for this company, but need the income, I'm having meetings with him every other day. He's being demoted because of lack of oversight. He doesn't seem to grasp numbers, but just shoots in the dark. But that turns out bad for me, because I put a lot of time in trying to get things sorted business-wise. It's clear now, and on spreadsheets etc. but now he's onto other criticisms of me and it feels like if it's not one thing, it's another. I'm one of the few seniors, so maybe he just expects me to carry the flag of the policy more enthusiastically than I do. I feels very unjust that I am harassed like this, with meetings that don't lead anywhere, and are just there to push my buttons, right before he leaves. Also, he is getting another manager involved. And he says colleagues have give him signals, but won't tell me who, and is all vague about things. This department has cornered another young senior last year, and pushed her out. This could be happening to me.
I am partially opposed to the newest policy (especially the extreme version I'm asked to applaud), and find it hard to keep smiling. Thinking differently, is, in this place of professional workers who are all of a higher education, apparently a bad thing now. I still can't believe it, although that may be naive and stubborn of me. And I'm fed up. I've had about 7-9 managers in 6 years and people don't seem to see I work hard. I'm not a elevator pitch person. I do whatever is needed, and am reasonably quiet. They want to hear more from me, but anything I'd say from the heart, would be going against the grain of the new policy. Even just a watered down version, a sensible version, it's all bad in their eyes. I help a lot of juniors on the work-floor, but apparently not the ones that the manager talks with. If they want me to leave, I want that too, but in about 6 months and I can't be specific because it depends on other activities and I don't want to say I'm leaving because I feel that would work against me in some way.
I'd love to step out of this hunted-rabbit position, where I have to prove myself when I already work overtime (when I asked for unpaid leave, I now get less salary but still make the same hours, so will have to save these up and take leave days later on), the dynamic is just very off.
I'm experienced but I've taken a back seat because of plans to leave in the longer run, and also because I don't agree with the policy changes of last 1,5 years. New policy, 180degrees towards my liking, are on the horizon in June, so: very soon, but they'll get implemented much later and aside from that it seems I find myself in a very silly work-culture where I can't speak up and think differently, even for the sake of a good discussion. I'd fake as much as possible, but I'm starting to feel that even faking it, would not be believed right now.
This dynamic could have to do with me: I tend to be a bit of a dissident usually, but I want to handle this in a practical manner. Managers in my company can get very intimidating (together with selected colleagues), this is a well known fact and I should stay out of that pickle, because it will drain energy that I'd prefer to spend on my other work and activities (those are more important to me than these two workdays and this company or even field of work, but still, I need the salary for two more months).
I hope I've made this somewhat clear. My question would be: what to do, any advice to handle this in a de-escalating fashion (even though inside I don't agree with the way I'm treated nor with the policy and the intolerant atmosphere) and maybe even generously, elegantly, or with humor. The manager and possibly another, are experienced, but not very intellectual or ironic, and never seem to approach their jobs with humor. Also, any ideas on what's going on, and what I may be missing in my thoughts on this would be much appreciated. |
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