How to NOT make friends at work...but kindly?

Post date: 2018-04-21 19:49:18

I'm not interested in socializing with my coworkers outside of work- but they want to. I turn down invitations at least twice a week, but they haven't gotten the message. How do I avoid burning professional bridges when I don't want to build personal ones?

I have 4 coworkers who are at my professional level and work in close proximity to me. We don't directly collaborate. They often invite me to do things during work or outside of work, but I don't want to socialize with them because:
-They're just...not my people. They're perfectly nice, but I don't have much fun with them and often find it stressful because we're on totally different wavelengths. We often end up talking about work, and I want to leave work at work.
-I only have to stay at work long enough to get my work done, and they often want to go to extended lunches or have long personal chats during the day, which means I end up having to stay late.
-I'm pretty busy socially and want to invest my limited time in things and people that feel fulfilling.
-I've been burned by friendships with coworkers in the past in ways that have had professional consequences- I'd like to avoid having personal issues affect my professional life.

I feel bad, because I think they're mostly lonely and wanting to make friends, and work is a convenient place to do that. I've been there and I get it, and I don't want to make them feel worse about something that's already hard. I'm friendly in a professional way to them and usually have legitimate excuses for turning things down, but the invitations keep coming. What do I do to avoid hurt feelings?

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