I spent almost all my twenties on anti depressants which destroyed my libido; that combined with growing up in a controlling conservative Muslim household which bodyshamed women and made sex taboo, I spent most of my time thinking I was asexual and repressing my sexual desires. I also dressed in super baggy clothes and didn't look after myself.
This makes me extremely sad now as I now know that I am most definitely not asexual, and it took me to 30 to realise I am someone who loves sex and am a very sexual person. I now love dressing in tighter clothing and showing off my body.
I did first start masturbating when I was 17, from reading sex scenes in books. I also used to follow this blog Girl with a One Track Mind which really got me going. However, I felt so ashamed that I stopped pretty soon and my sexuality went underground from 18-25, which was linked to my utter despair and depression during this period.
I could (when I was 17/18) and still can, reliably have a single big orgasm every time I masturbate. Nowadays I can almost only orgasm to watching porn, again I only ever orgasm once. The only way I know how to masturbate is through crossing my legs tightly and rubbing myself against whatever I'm sitting on (fully clothed).
I've tried using my hands but it didn't work, a vibrator once did work a bit but not as effective as my tried and trusted method.
After having the single orgasm, that area feels too sore and sensitive to do it again and I just don't feely horny enough. My uterus itself feels really sore, if that doesn't sound too weird? I usually have to wait a day before I can do it again.
My first boyfriend was during my late twenties, both of us had very low libidos (I was on meds) and didn't have that much sex after the initial first few months. We were more like best friends than lovers. I hate to speak badly of him but he wasn't generously endowed and in general I just wasn't that physically attracted to him.
Sadly, this made me conclude at the time that I was a woman who just didn't like sex as at the time I had nothing to compare it to.
However, then I met my current boyfriend (yes the one I've posted about before..) ....now as soon as I had sex with him, I knew I definitely was not asexual. It was like I was totally addicted to him from the very first time and that feeling is still there after 3 years, though somewhat weakened by time. I've never felt this way before, can anyone relate? It's insanely powerful and has been a major factor in keeping me with him, despite..issues.
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoy having sex with him but I barely ever orgasm. I still love having sex with him and we have a very healthy sex life, though it has died down from the crazed first year. He's still like cocaine to me, not just the sex but his scent and his voice and everything. I'm madly physically infatuated with him.
He once thoughtlessly mentioned (extremely early on) that both his exes would have multiple orgasms, it genuinely wasn't meant as a comparison. I'm realising a lot of his comments are just incredibly dense and thoughtless (though the brutal honesty actually hurts more than a deliberate attempt to make me jealous.) This post isn't about him anyway.
It makes me sad that I struggle to orgasm during sex and have never been able to have multiple orgasms. I feel like I'm not getting as much from it as other women do.
Is there a way I can learn to have multiple orgasms or even just reliable orgasms during sex, are there any books or other resources that would help me achieve this (with any partner?) |
Video
Web
Image
Music
BlogU
