Ignoring an abusive work situation

Post date: 2021-10-16 06:06:34

I need some outside perspective on whether I can stick around in this work situation. I'm hoping I can...

I've been at my current job for about a year. There are certain things that work well for me right now due to the pandemic: very high salary with 100% benefits covered, easy work, minimal workload, no overtime and really good hours, permanent work-from-home, impossible to be fired. Due to the pandemic and my family situation, this is the best possible situation I could ask for right now.

There are certain things that aren't awesome, but I manage: some really miserable colleagues, no training program, random and shifting expectations coupled with "how could you not know this!!!" and periodic attempts at degradation and shouting from my boss.

And then there is something that is a red flag to me: my boss just pulled a maneuver on me yesterday that I found alarming. After asking me to 'meet' out of nowhere, proceeded to yell at me (as they do) then make me sit and watch them edit a document over my lunch hour (as sometimes happens) - this actually is pretty bearable to me - but then proceeded to love-bomb me for the rest of the day. I got accolades over chat and in front of colleagues on what an amazing job I was doing, how my team is great and I'm an awesome manager. Though this should have struck me as good - boss was mad, saw I was doing good work and backtracked - it actually struck me as bad - shouting and degradation followed by love-bombing is typical red-flag abuser behavior.

Since gas-lighting is a strong abuser tactic, assume that this is what happened and I am reliable reporter on this. Please don't suggest I'm misinterpreting what happened. I was there, I saw it, I identified it, I was alarmed.

Normally I might have a chat with my boss to lay down some expectations and boundaries, but trust me that this is not effective with my boss and won't really get us anywhere.

We work remotely which gives me more ability to be "less available" and ignore or mute my boss if needed when they go on a tirade. I recognize that I am in an abusive situation, but I'm wondering if I can ignore it since there is no real impact on me - I can't be fired or demoted.

Is there a way I can stick this out and just ignore them, or is it something that will eventually wear me down and I should start looking for new work. Have you managed to ignore an abuser at work when their abuse had no real impact on your job success? How did you do it?

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