Dating with your parents in mind

Post date: 2021-06-15 07:53:54

I am preoccupied with finding a partner whose family of origin compliments my own. This is a difficult task as my parents are a little unusual. Have you navigated this before?

My parents are white hippies: liberal-minded vegetarian Hindu-Christians who don't drink, smoke, or use recreational drugs. They have always been very isolated due to these lifestyle choices, and my dad in particular has a chip on his shoulder about he and my mom being "strangers in a strange land." A few years ago they moved to a conservative retirement community out in the desert and are now more isolated than ever.

As their only child I have always felt a need to find them people who will accept and embrace them without judgement. They will unconditionally welcome a son or daughter in law of any race or gender identity. It's just the other stuff, so as of late this has translated into me feeling extra anxious about finding a partner from a similar family culture. But this is so, so difficult. I would definitely like a vegetarian spouse who doesn't smoke or use weed/other recreational drugs, but I am willing to budge on the drinking, and probably on the diet stuff a bit, too. These happen to be the two things my dad is most sensitive to! My mom cares more about smoking as it aggravates health issues that cause her a lot of grief.

Obviously I cannot totally divine the personalities or lifestyles of a person's family from their Bumble or Hinge profile. Sometimes photos give a clue, but that's rare, and it's not like I can ping a potential match and be like, "hey, you're cute, can my parents meet your parents first please?" No! I'm already having a hard enough time finding people who don't smoke weed. This is giving me grief on stupid levels and I don't like it.

I know deep down that it is not my responsibility to date on behalf of my parents and that to try to do so is unfair to myself and my future partner. But I love my folks. I want them to feel connected and included in my life when I finally get married.

How can I take a more balanced approach to this self-made problem?

Please click Here to read the full story.