In-Law Filter: How to gracefully bow out of a family vacation?

Post date: 2021-05-11 15:51:32

I learned that a significant portion of a very near-term vacation with my spouse, who I have not seen in three months, and my in-laws will be in an extremely rustic cabin in the woods instead of their perfectly comfortable house, which is inducing a lot of negative feelings in me for reasons. How can I get out of this part of the trip while hurting minimal feelings?

My spouse and I have been on separate continents for three months due to work obligations. We're finally in the same country, and I had planned to link up with him, his siblings, and my in-laws later this week for a several day, low key visit at my in-laws' house before he and I travel to a different city for a few weeks, just the two of us. I found out today that two of the four nights we'd be spending with my in-laws is at their very rustic mountain cabin a few hours away from their house. I've been through a lot in the last few months and the thought of six people crammed under a tiny roof with no privacy with my spouse who I haven't seen in months, no cell service, no hot showers, and the only thing to do being hiking in bug-filled woods is spiking major anxiety and resentment. My spouse already knows I'm not super pro-cabin (but this is something he really enjoys/wants to do), and my in-laws believe I am joining them for all of this. How can I gracefully bow out of this part of the trip and arrange to join them at their house for only a night or two after they're back from the cabin without ruining my relationships with everyone involved? I suspect my mother-in-law in particular may be hurt, as I have not seen them in two years and she has expressed how excited she was to see me. I do not think asking my spouse not to go is a viable option, as it's been over a year since he's seen his family. Scripts welcome.

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