My wife and I are probably headed for a divorce. I know the first thing to do is to talk to a lawyer, but like, there's a lot of other stuff, and I just don't know how it would work. Stuff like moving out, money, etc.
Again, I know to talk to a lawyer before actually doing anything. I'm not quite there yet. So yeah, this is partially anxiety talking, but divorce is pretty anxiety-provoking.
My therapist suggested a trial separation before we actually go all the way to divorce, but like, how does this work? One of us moves out to... where? Sign a lease? Move into a hotel? All my friends and family are 1000+ miles away, so I couldn't just sleep on someone's couch. She does have family in the area, but I can't see her agreeing to be the one to move out. And if I'm the one who moves out, what happens with the kids? Are they supposed to come sleep in my room at the Extended Stay America? None of these options sound all that feasible, or desirable for that matter.
And like, if we do go all the way and get divorced, how do we pay for it? I found an article that said "most divorces in my state] end up costing less than $100,000", which I think was supposed to be reassuring? That's more than a year of salary for each of us. Where the hell do people get that money, especially considering we'd be doubling our rent, insurance, and utility bills? Both she and I have some savings (separate), but we've both got other plans for it. In my case, a lot of mine is inheritance, and like, I don't think my aunt gave me all that money just to pay a divorce lawyer. Aside from that, I don't have any family money; my mom is retired, I'm not close with my dad, all four of my grandparents are dead, one of my siblings is unemployed, and the other sibling is pretty badly underemployed. I've heard of people getting a shitload of credit cards, but that seems pretty damn unwise long term. Even if we just do the trial separation for a week at a hotel, that's looking close to $1,000, and I don't really have that kind of money to waste.
And like, what about work? Already I feel like having all this stuff on my mind is affecting my productivity at work. What'll happen when I actually have to start taking time off? I've already used a lot of my PTO this year. It just seems like a lot. I have a kindhearted supervisor, so this isn't as urgent as the others, but it's still a big question mark.
If it's not yet clear, assume everything will be contentious. We didn't get where we are by having clear and empathetic communication with each other.
So yeah, a lot of this is probably anxiety and I need to take a deep breath, but I really don't like diving into things without knowing how they work. Since I'm very likely going to need to dive in soon, I'd like to get at least a rough idea of what I'm dealing with. I know none of you can provide legal advice or anything, and that's not what I'm asking for. Just some personal stories of how you managed, for lack of a better word, your divorce. Especially the separation part. |
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