Fell out of love with dream job. Can't quit. How do I finish this PhD ASAP?
For various reasons (including respect for my collaborators and my desire to have a PhD), I can't quit, but I've got 1.5-2 years to go. Unfortunately I have completely lost any intellectual interest in doing the actual day-to-day work for the PhD. But the more I drag my feet, the more I impede my collaborators, and the further away graduation day moves. Also I cannot really phone it in because I am leading a team of people. How do I graduate?
We have very regular meetings, deadlines, momentum, great advisors, etc., and I have a clear path to graduation. The problem is just me, a leader who has lost passion for this project. I feel intellectually bored and trapped, and that combined with physical trappedness (due to pandemic) has made me quite depressed and obviously not so good at working. Also I am in the weird situation of having wanted to drop out of the PhD for quite some time, but the project being so successful that I am still on my way to graduate.
The thing that literally gets me out of bed is the thought of graduating and exiting this particular career path, but then when it comes to doing the day-to-day work, I just face this massive void of "There is endless work, I don't care, and I want to leave." I'm lucky enough to have a therapist and a solid group of friends, though no significant other (as you can tell, the PhD is my ball-and-chain). I also moonlight in other roles that I am passionate about and would gladly try to turn them into full-time work, though for the time being I have to finish the PhD.
Can people tell me "light at the end of the tunnel" stories? Did you (or someone else in art or life) grit your teeth through a job and emerge stronger for it? Do you have PhD-specific coping mechanisms, like support groups? Or, I dunno, on the commiseration front, do you have readings about how Work Sucks and all laborers are inherently alienated from the products of their labor under capitalism and thus must rise up in solidarity? |
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