About a week ago, our distant cousin called my brother and me to tell us that my father and aunt are in the hospital, and my grandmother has died. We are the next of kin but can't get there for at least another week. On top of everyone's health, I'm worried about caregiver fraud, since the person who was helping my father seems to be sharing false information and posing as family.
About a week ago, our distant cousin called my brother and me to basically tell us that my father's side of the family is in dire medical straits. My grandmother, well into her 90s, passed away a few days ago. Our father, who lives with her and was undergoing cancer treatment, is incoherent and in intensive care after having a seizure. Our aunt, his sister, had Covid-19 but recovered, but now she has fallen into a coma (she is in a different hospital, same city). My father and aunt have long had major difficulties (alcoholism, depression, etc.) and it seems as if they both suffered extreme physical reactions to their mother's death.
How does my cousin know all this info? It was relayed to her by my father's caregiver. Our cousin, like us, lives a few states away. There is no other family in town. My brother and I are the next of kin and will be planning our grandmother's funeral. We would like to wait and see if dad and aunt pull through, but for some reason the funeral director told us that he can't keep grandma's body preserved/hold off on a service much longer.
Also, it seems possible that my father's caregiver and others may be trying to scam them. Someone called the hospital for my aunt, claiming to be her fiancé (perhaps, but her husband just passed away in July so that would have been really quick). We hope to get more insight into her condition, but the hospital had to grant power of attorney to her doctor, and we should be talking with him tomorrow to find out what's going on. The caregiver has also called one or both hospitals and my grandmother's funeral home claiming to be a nephew. In addition, yesterday he told my cousin that he brought my father home. We called the hospital and surprise, dad is still in ICU. Why the lie?
We weren't very close to our dad because he was resistant to getting treatment for his depression and alcoholism and didn't really attempt to be close to us, even when we lived under the same roof. We had a much better, "normal" relationship with our grandparents. We are monitoring dad and aunt by phone and will be headed to them in a little over a week—in non-pandemic times we'd have flown out once already, but with small kids we have to make arrangements before we make the 2-day drive.
In the meantime, what should we do about the caregiver? He was not a live-in helper but his lying suggests he may be staying in my grandmother's house, doing/taking god knows what. I don't know him, and he may not even be from a real agency (my dad used to pick up hitchhikers and even brought a couple home when we were kids, so this guy could be anybody). He doesn't seem to be aware that we know anything and he hasn't tried to contact us. We haven't called the caregiver directly yet because we'd also like to have some kind of power besides telling him to F*CK OFF from afar if he's truly being manipulative. What is the call to make here—lawyer? Police (sigh)? Private investigator? Our grandmother's lawyer asked *us* if she had a will and he also sounds very frail, so I don't expect him to do much in this area. Our father may have to undergo surgery and I don't want whatever resources he and his sister have left to just disappear when there will obviously be medical costs. Plus, our grandmother was a lovely woman and it's still her home and all she and our grandfather worked to build.
We're trying to handle things, but are also overwhelmed. I've seen an elderly neighbor of mine get "legally" but easily manipulated out of nearly everything despite having people around her who cared, and I'd hate to have this happen to my father and aunt regardless of our relationship now. Any advice is welcome. |
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