Looking for a polite way to phrase a request, part two.

Post date: 2020-09-22 09:16:31

What is says on the tin, cousin edition.

My cousin has a birthday coming up. On this birthday I am expected (Reasons) to spend most of the day on an outing with her, along with some other people. My cousin has also requested I cook her dinner. Thing is, I do not really want to spend the whole day on this outing. I am happy just to cook her birthday dinner. I would like to tell my cousin that I do not wish to attend this outing, but my cousin is highly sensitive. Direct requests on my part in the past, about things that seem straightforward and simple to me, have led to tears and hurt feelings. Some of it is communication style, some of it is emotional - she places a high value on everyone attending her birthday celebrations. (As an introvert, I don't have the same feelings about my own birthday, so I can't relate.) I know it is important to her, but I do not want to spend an entire day feeling resentful. Complicating the matter is that certain family members expect me to attend this outing and will also be upset if I decline. It may be selfish of me not to want to go, I recognize that, but there it is. I am looking for as graceful a way to phrase my refusal as possible. I can't just be "busy" with something else - again, Reasons. I need a direct way to communicate about this, while minimizing the risk of hurt feelings. I understand that in the end she is in charge of her own feelings, but I want to avoid clumsy communication, if at all possible.

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