Elderly Aunt, Substance Abuse, and COVID-19

Post date: 2020-03-27 17:12:05

I live in a large US city that has issued a shelter in place for two weeks, subject to be extended. My parents live 1.5 hours outside this city, to the east, and are in their 70s. They are on a farm, they are isolating, I am very lucky that they are behaving this way considering the way a lot of my friends' parents are reacting. My elderly aunt, however, is another story.

My aunt lives about an hour outside the city, but on the opposite side from my parents. My parents are younger than her by about 5 years and my mother is her POA at this time. Last year my aunt was committed (for lack of a better word), basically for substance abuse. She appeared to be spiraling into dementia at the time, but once they got her off the insane amount of prescription substances, she stabilized and was able to go back to living independently after bridging some time living with my parents.

She is a med hoarder and a doctor shopper and even though my parents tried to get rid of all her meds while she was in the pokey, they apparently didn't get them all. These include muscle relaxers and pain medication along with a slate of standard old-person meds. She takes them "as directed" but when you have three docs and a pain clinic "directing" things get out of control fast.

She's stubborn and a control freak. You know where this is going.

She checks in with my parents every day, and they are becoming concerned that her behaviors and communications are getting erratic again. My mom specifically told me she thinks that my aunt is "using" again. My dad has a heart condition and they neither of them should be leaving home for any reason, much less to drive the 2-3 hours from their place, across town, and out of town again to my aunt's to check up on her.

Furthermore I don't want my aunt to bring the virus to my parents - no one knows how well she has been isolating. She is not fit to drive the distance between her house and my parents'. I am under shelter-in-place and I guess I could leave since this is a medical situation, or it's about to be, but I don't want to bring the virus to HER. I am not her POA and my mom can't just transfer that to me, of course.

I have absolutely no idea what to do when this all goes pear-shaped. She lives relatively in the middle of nowhere and is not close to any other family (and is also not on speaking terms with them, anyway). She has always loved me but in her old age she is both pretty fragile and pretty volatile.

What should we do? What should I plan for? Should I plan to have to leave my house and just -- have my mom on the phone if necessary? I don't want my aunt to be re-committed but she almost killed herself the last time we went through this, I don't think she will survive another time.

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