Our kids, 6(f) and 3(m), will only go to sleep when I (Dad) put them down and the resultant pressure and sleep disturbance it's causing an unsustainable family dynamic. We know/hope that this will pass, but how can we repair or survive this period?
Both kids have historically been terrible sleepers in general, but for the last 4-5 months we've been in a new phase that we can't navigate through. I know that the whole dynamic of preferred parents is nothing new, but none our tactics seem to be working.
The basic issue is that whenever their Mom tries to get them to go to sleep, it just doesn't work. The primary issue is with our 3yo son who is just incredibly attached to her right now. If she tries to leave him in bed or leave the room he just gets up and follows her, or throws a tantrum. This ends up waking our daughter (they share a room) and then just creates a whole vicious cycle where he won't sleep unless she is in the bed with him, and then she falls asleep there. If/when she tries to get up and come back to our bed, he ends up waking up in the middle of the night and then climbing in our bed, or throwing a tantrum until she comes back. If he manages to wake me up however, I can just put him back and put him down, no problem.
We've tried a bunch of things so far. We're both fans of Janet Lansbury and her methods across the board - so all those things have been ticked off the list. We tried to be more assertive and set more firm boundaries, we've tried just sheer repetition (putting him down immediately after he gets up - can sometime be 20-30 times to no avail), occasional supplements like Melatonin (they work, but he still wakes up in the middle of the night), all the other good sleep hygiene stuff etc.
He can obviously go to sleep fine, because when I put him down I just tuck him In, say goodnight, and walk out and it's fine (he still wakes up in the middle of the night though wanting to be with his mum).
Anyway the whole thing just has us at our wits end. We end up getting angry at the kids which we don't want to do. My partner is upset because she has no free time because it literally takes all night to put kids down - by the time they are truly asleep it's time for her to go to sleep. I'm upset because I can't do anything in the evening / after work because that means she'll be on her own with them which makes me feel guilty etc...
As with all things with toddlers, we know that this will eventually pass, but it's been so long and we're just looking for a lifeline. Has anyone else been through this and can offer any advice? Can I somehow transfer some of my abilities around sleep to my partner? We're desperate! |
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