How NOT to be a doormat?

Post date: 2020-01-26 04:01:25

I have been a doormat my entire adult life and it is starting to cause me serious problems and anxiety. Those of you who have learned to be more assertive, how did you do it? What process did you go through with yourself? For those of you who have always been assertive, how do you do it?

Unfortunately my mother was the biggest doormat ever and she taught me to always be nice to people and I have never learned how to stand up for myself. Subconsiously I think there was a lack of self esteem there that I have just kind of absorbed. In some ways I have massively improved, I am pretty assertive in my marriage now so I can be very proud of that.

HOWEVER, I am consistently having the same issues in some other intrapersonal relationships and the same thing is happening over and over and over. I become to friendly with people who are doing things for me, like babysitting or cleaning or giving my kids lessons. I guess I feel a little guilty or I feel and act like people are doing me a favor, when I am actually paying them for a service. Today, for example, I took my child to a lesson and the teacher showed up late and was unprepared and she used our lesson to kind of catch up her time and I didn't say anything... Earlier in the week we had agreed a lesson and she was 15 minutes late, and unprepared and I ended up being late for my kids preschool. These things don't start off this way, but I feel like once I come across as a push over then I can never get things back on track.

Other times with a previous babysitter I was too friendly and wasn't assertive about her punctuality and eventually she was showing up 10-15 minutes late every time and then chatting with me in the kitchen the last half hour. This happens in almost every scenario and its been going on a long time.

I suppose the WORST time this has happened in recent memory was with with some previous childcare professionals in a private preschool setting... I feel I subconsiously went in there with a low self esteem about myself and automatically placed their opinions and ideas above my own and in that situation I ended up in a very yucky feeling dynamic where I was being called into meetings about my child and not being listened to and I really feel I had no control and it was to the detriment of my child's well being and it was exremely traumatic and I felt so so so disrespected.

My kids will be starting at a new school in September and I really want to change this part of myself so that I am going into that school as a confident and assertive mother who is sucessful in dealing with people. I have anxiety about this. I am really tired of being and acting this way.

I love scripts and things I can memorize and practice, so those are REALLY welcome. And any other answer or advice.

Please click Here to read the full story.