Dad not going home: how to be kind

Post date: 2020-01-24 05:33:19

So my dad's second stroke, in early December, wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. But he was already dying of congestive heart failure and is on oxygen constantly. How do I tell him that he won't get to go home?

My poor dad is now stuck in the one place he never ever wanted to end up, a nursing home. His home was not safe for him before and it's absolutely unmanageable now. A physician has written a letter explaining that he can no longer make decisions for himself. I have his power of attorney form. His landlord is eager to sell the property where he was living until recently.

When I visit him he is filled with talk, often unintelligible, about what he wants me to do with his cars or his other things In anticipation of his return. But he's not going to return because I am not going to allow him to return. No medical professional believes that is a good idea. He is nearly 90 and so frail he would simply end up in the hospital again, possibly in much worse shape.

Have you faced this situation? How did you respond? How did your parent or loved one respond? My dad has told one friend he may be stuck there. And that's true. But I haven't said those words yet. I know it's important for people to have hope but my dad was miserable when he was living at home. The fact that he's miserable in this new place is in no way surprising. But it breaks my heart anyway. I'm super sad about this and really wrestling with how to talk to him about it. I would be grateful for any wisdom or experience you can share about any aspect of this situation.

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