I'm sorry for your loss, AND...

Post date: 2020-01-15 09:17:10
Views: 148
My niece is in her early 20s and just lost her husband after a long cancer battle. They were barely married when the problems started, and the bulk of the marriage has gone to fighting this battle together. I feel so bad for her and want to do something.

My niece is the kindest, most giving person and I am all torn up that her life has been saturated with tragedy for the last several months. Same family member I asked about sending gifts for previously. I live several hours away and am in transition myself so I cannot easily show up physically, but I want to do something. I also know she has a large social network, and has lots of emotional support available to her. That is why part of what I want to offer may be a bit strange.

Part of what I want to do is let her know that it is okay if she feels relief that his suffering and all the caregiving activities are over. I imagine this is the least socially acceptable reaponse to have at the end of a loved one's losing battle to cancer, and so it would be taboo for her to acknowledge it, but I also do not want her to feel guilty about it because it would be very human for that to be part of her emotional landscape. I want to let her know that it is ok to grieve but it is also ok if her grief has some relief mixed into it, because she had so much on her plate for so long.

Is this a bad thing to say? Should I give it time before I say it? How much time? Suggested ways to phrase my message? She has been his caregiver for a long time, as well as juggling her job and trying to maintain an upward trajectory there. I am sure she is burned out. I want to communicate in a way that honors both of them.

I also wonder what do people do these days besides meal trains and flowers in these circumstances. They are Protestants.
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