Should I get rid of my toxic friend? How?

Post date: 2019-11-12 06:58:03

Hi everyone. My friend and I are both 30F and have been friends since we're 4 years old. Here's a brief description of my friend and our friendship. The positive: My friend and I can talk about pretty much everything and she's my go to when things get rough. I do believe she genuinely cares about me. When I'm down, she doesn't kick me down further and has reassured me and complimented me in the past.

The negative: My friend has also been jealous (has admitted this), competitive, and I think, a little controlling of me regarding particular issues. I think her all of these things are more subconscious than conscious to be honest. All of these traits stem from other ones that she has exhibited such as external locus of control (nothing is in her control), not having enough appreciation, and not taking accountability for her actions.

I'm really undecided as to whether or not I should still remain her friend. I can think of all the things I need to do: pro and con list, are there things she offers me that other friends don't, etc.

The truth is, she is the person I can rely on to complain to and I actually feel like she cares. But then she does other things that show me she's not really on my side. I do believe she's a decent person deep down and has shown me that, but her low self esteem and upbringing have contributed to who she is as a person.

A few years ago, I had a big fight with her and brought up some of the things she did. She a first said she didn't remember saying these things (which could be true because she doesn't have a good memory in general). Although I connected most of the dots in my head, I didn't do so for her and forgave her and tried to let it go. She stopped doing these things for a while, but she's starting to show her true colors again.

I documented all of the things she has said in a chart. That may sound extreme to some, but I keep reliving these events and have finally connected all of the dots. Writing this down has made everything concrete and easier for me to understand (or maybe I'm just neurotic!).

Someone suggested that I just create boundaries with her and others have said I should cut her out of my life. Have you experienced this or know someone who has and what is the best option do you think?

Thank you so much!

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