How do I tell a friend I don't want to go to an event with her?

Post date: 2019-10-29 17:11:25

I have a relatively new friend who wants to hang out A Lot. I'm a certified introvert, and while I'm happy to hang out, I have a lot of friends that I want and need to make time for. Which brings me to tomorrow night. There's a performance I'd like to go to. I would like to go alone and chat with whoever I run into. I would not like to go with anyone. How do I tell my friend who has expressed interest in going with me?

I had expressed interest in going the last time we hung out, and she jumped in with wanting to go with me. Even though she had previously seen this performer and wasn't enthused. I don't really enjoy seeing acts with someone who is "meh" about being there, and the nature of the performance makes this an activity I'd rather do solo anyway. She reached out yesterday asking if I still want to go, and I haven't responded yet. (I just don't think I can say "Yes, but not with you.")

This friend has really taken to seeing me every single Tuesday, and that's just not workable for me. I would like to scale back to monthly and have my other Tuesdays free to see other people. This friend is recently out of a small liberal arts college, and it seems that she is trying to recreate that ultra close, always on, enmeshed kind of friendship and friends group. The rest of us are a decade (or several) out of college, and neither want nor can sustain that level of contact or always talking about heavy things. I like her a lot and enjoy her company, but this is way more than I have to give to any relationship.

I'm including all that because I feel like she'll take it very hard if I am not careful. I'd love to maintain this friendship, but with more breathing space. I would especially like to go to this performance and have whatever reactions I'm going to have at my own pace without being interrogated about it or having to coordinate. Unfortunately, the space is 100% standing room, so I can't just find a seat between two already reserved ones. I just want to go have my feels in peace. Halp?

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