How do I learn to like myself?

Post date: 2019-06-18 02:25:10

I hate myself - I hate that I envy my friends, hate that I have a fear of missing out on information to the extent that it paralyzes my life and means I never actually DO anything. I hate my depression, hate that I have been taking antidepressants for 15 years and am no better, hate that spending time with my own family makes me uncomfortable, hate that I have zero ambition to get out of the dead end job I hate.

Hate feeling tired all the time, having no energy to play with my daughter

I hate being so cynical about everything- feeling like I am intellectually superior to people when I am not, I am just quick witted enough to bluff my way. I hate that I objectify women in my mind

I have very few friends (surprise surprise) and I alienate myself from the ones I do have as well as my family

No alcohol (excuse I use is I fear addiction) or non-prescription drugs. I take 60mg Cymbalta/Duloxetine every day along with cyclazine, lanzoprazole and tramadol all on prescription but still suffer from headaches every day. I have essential tremors in my hands and some facial twitching. My sleep is poor usually waking several times per night

I love my wife (god knows why she even likes me!) and my beautiful daughter but I fear that some day I am going to cross a line and not be here for them any more
Therapy is not really an option as the NHS won't provide any more than 6 weeks of it (I have had several sessions) and I am too poor to go privately

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